At 25 years old I was finally able to tell my mother who has treated me mostly bad for my entire life, that I never want to see her again. Ever since I can remember, she has both emotionally and physically abused me for years. I am still deciding whether or not to cut off my father who has witnessed all these years of torture and has done nothing at all to stop it.

I am feeling guilty and have people telling me that I need to forgive her because her childhood was awful (domestic violence, rape etc.). Although I understand that her childhood was traumatic and terrible and I feel for her little old self, what she has done to me does not justify her actions.

Examples of abuse I have endured by her include having to SHARE a room with her and my dad until I moved out at 19-20 years old.

Constant belittling, telling me I’m a failure, an evil daughter, calling me ugly.

Physically abusing me and throwing my phone at my face at 13 when I made a Facebook.

Attempting to run my dad over and hurting him really bad in the front yard of our house at 17 because he had allegedly cheated on her. After calling the police on her (as any traumatized child would) and my enabler of a father getting her released after, we were all in the car and she made him pull over in a neighborhood so she could beat me for “putting her in jail”. After this happened, I was so terrorized bc my dad couldn’t find our kitchen knives, and coincidentally my dads trucks tires were slashed. This resulted in a bit of PTSD which caused me to sleep on the same bed as my dad because I was terrified of her.

Always talking horribly about my half brother (dads kid), people we know, me, my dad and pretty much everyone she knows.

Throwing Chick-fil-A at my face one time in high school when I got her food because I had ate a fry (I had not).

Final straw was a few days ago when I went happily to go see her and once again the abuse started. She called me hideous and told me I should just go to Mexico ( we’re Mexican) and live there since I wanted to dress and look like shit (??????????). She then went on to say how she couldn’t believe I was college educated if I dressed horribly.

I left after this happened and called her yesterday and went off on her because after 25 years of abuse I had to let her know that she was an awful mother and I never wanted to see her again. I told her she should go back to Mexico since she doesn’t work and does nothing but abuse people she apparently loves. Unsurprisingly she went off on me, called me a clown and told me I should be working (was and have worked more years than she has ever have). I told her I was going to call immigration which I did. I hung up crying because although I did not want to report her to ICE, I am currently worried that she might try to come find me to beat me or make a scene at work, destroy my car or the place that I live at.

I obviously struggle with my mental health and am currently in constant fear that she won’t stop until she finds me to hurt me because in her twisted mind she cannot lose.

I know it’s a lot and as crazy as I sound I feel horrible and wonder if she is a good mother despite the abuse because she always fed me and bought me things etc. but honestly there was more abuse than love so I think I did the right thing.

Posting this awful story of my life because I have felt so alone and isolated for 25 year and finally need to let someone even if it’s a stranger all the shitty things that went on.

On the bright side thanks to her behaviors, it inspired me to become a therapist which I will soon be in 2 years :)) and something that kept me from killing myself all these years