TW: mention of suicide

Whilst walking in to work this morning I saw a billboard / advert which prominently featured three words my nDad used in a negative / controlling way. This triggered me but I managed to hold it together. It took until mid-morning when I just couldn't cope or handle it any more and went to the loo, found a cubicle, sat down and sobbed, cried & lost all my composure.

Went back to my desk afterwards and informed my 1:1 supervisor. She immediately escalated it to our manager. Manager recommended I find a quiet room off the main office before having a Teams call with her.

Referencing a occupational health report which she was chasing up that morning, she suggested during the conversation that it is likely I have depression. She encouraged me to call my GP and set up an emergency appointment today.

Did so and my GP rang back this afternoon. The appointment went well but was upsetting at times. During gentle questions I opened up and disclosed wanting to end it all as a child due to my parents' behaviour. I had never told anyone about this until today.

My GP was super understanding (❤ absolutely amazing) and noted that I had a referral for trauma therapy coming up, but that she would bring the referral forward to today

She agreed with my manager's suggestion that I had depression (but with a medical backing), advised that anti-depressants would help me and explained the types available & side effects, confirmed that I wanted to go on a course of them and sent a prescription to my local pharmacy for pick up (sorted).

An utter rollercoaster of a day. Completely exhausted.