I got so ahead of myself, seeing him as being Pops to my boys again, wanting that, desperately wanting ONE of my parents to be a loving and supportive one. I jumped at the chance.

But it only took three dinners for him to bring up religion (without me asking for it), get defensive when I politely tried to say I wasn't interested, then when I started crying and shut down because I tried to tell him the way it was making me feel (and he took that as a personal attack), he just got mad at me for crying. He banged the table. He got really stern and loud. It sent me back into a childish place of feeling ashamed and in trouble. We couldn't recover. He wanted me to agree that we had a good time after and I didn't want to, but did anyway. Now I'm not sure where we go from here; how do I have a relationship with someone who takes my feelings as a personal attack, yells at me for crying, and then demands that I take responsibility for crying like it's something bad that I need to work on? Fuck this. Now I'm just grieving all over again.