i just started a new job, and it pays pretty well (for something a regular 18yo can get, anyway. a few above minimum!) in addition to that, new job (and new check!) energy is reaaaally getting to me.

todays dilemma comes from my inability to tell the difference between self care and overindulgence.

part of it is of course the abuse. being told i’m worthless/undeserving/awful/etc makes me feel like i’m unable to be deserving of anything. but i also do have a spending issue. and inability to understand budgeting at fucking all (i don’t live alone, and walk to work. my mom wants me to pay rent if i “make it that long” [last a few mo. in the job]).

i don’t know what i can budget for, how i should be saving, any of that stuff. i have no idea where to learn it! i have no idea what luxuries i should afford myself (currently looking at some nicer food than we have at home and a good sturdy bag that fits my vibe) to take care of myself and heal my inner child and what i need to forgo in the name of savings. i hope to purchase a car sooner or later, and then eventually get out of my house.

ack! any insight (or resources on learning to budget) would be appreciated.