I'm almost 33, F and have Asperger's, but I have to compete with all the other people, younger, more educated, with more experience, better health, and better social skills for a job. I'm not sure I should even look for a job. I can live with my savings up to a few years by being super cheap. There are a lot of people who need jobs more, people with children and/or elderly to take care of. I am cheap, my life is cheap, who am I to take away an opportunity from another?

Maybe I'm just being stubborn and idealistic. but if society can't even take care of its own, why should I try to join it? Supporting a system like that goes against everything I believe in.

But the opposing groups aren't that much better either. They all want some system of control, and won't be helping people like us once they had their way. And in a way, they're worse because they're all self-righteous and insist that they only want what is good for everyone.

So, where do I go?

Yeah, right... as if anyone would truly include me and listen to me.

Someone advised me, "set healthy boundaries". What are healthy boundaries? What the hell is healthy anyway? I'm not normal, people take ordinary psychology for granted but I can't relate to that at all. I've probably never been healthy in my life. Different thresholds for pleasure and pain and everything else. Ideas that other people have never heard of in their wildest dreams, but make perfect sense to me. I don't even know myself because I'd never been allowed to be myself, and have to always think if my ideas are acceptable and proper.

I'm not gonna get over this until I finally get to express my anger, really take it across. I wish someone would really listen to me in real life and take me seriously, but I can't even talk half of what I'm feeling. And they invalidate me all the way.

Even neurotypical people aren't good at setting boundaries. just look at what they did to me. They made me lose my soul, and for what? Because everyone says it's the only way forward, to connect. with this shithole world that rejected me from the start. And I didn't know that until I was an adult!

People are people. Society is society. It's a thing. And yet, people will give their lives to protect a mere thing. Even if it destroys other people. That's insane. I can't be part of that. I can't contribute to a system that I know is hurting others as well as myself.

But they tell me that's the healthy, adult thing to do. To go against all my values. Not just one, but the whole set.

I give up. There's just no way to win. I don't have any logical legs to stand on.

I don't have anything to justify my anger, sadness, or existence.

Sure, call me toxic or whatever, that's true. But don't blame me for ending up like this. I tried.