Hi, I’m 30 M south east asian living with my partner. We are a gay couple who lived together for quite sometime.

Context:

Before we moved in together I already learned that my partner who is white had a particularly tough time growing up as a gay person in rural Belgian village, so he knows how it feels personally to be marginalized based on who you are, informally denied access to opportunities , physically and mentally abused, excluded from his own people who are predominantly also white. Luckily his family accepts him which is not a common thing if you are born in the 80s so he grew up only with his close family and few friends until his early 20s. So in short, he knows how it is to be discriminated and marginalized in a different context.

The present day:

I recently observed that

1. He particularly doesn’t enjoy when people are joking about white people like ”these white people 🤦🏽‍♂️” kind of jokes because he doesn’t want to be associated with them as he doesn’t relate to their racist behavior. But he can’t because he is born white skinned, so he has to share the burden of shame that he didn’t do.

2. He questioned why a lot of PoC get away with derogating white people in a stereotypical way? Instead of addressing the bad behavior to individuals?

3. He feels like he had been denied opinion on racism because he is white. When this happened it triggered his memory from when he grew up as marginalized gay men in the 80s and 90s that he cannot participate in the society because of his sexual orientation, and he know how it feels to be casted aside of simply being a person.

The question 🙋🏽‍♂️

I love him so much, he is a kind and loving person. But how should I engage in this conversation with him about how he feels? I don’t want to invalidate his own experiences on being discriminated against and marginalized. I know it is a different subject but I do also think sexual orientation discrimination and racism shares similar characteristics.

Thank you 🧡