The Holiday Taint Period is upon us. Just like your taint (perineum in more polite circles), the holiday taint is the strange place between two fun things: Xmas and New Year's.

If you aren't familiar with the Holiday Taint Period, I have good news for you:

Nothing you do in this week counts!

• So eat that extra helping of stuffing.
• Wear the same pair of sweat pants for 3 days straight.
  
  • Binge 5 seasons of a show that would otherwise impair your cognitive development.
• Masturbate the day away.

The world is your oyster this Holiday Taint Period. Celebrate this hole-y week!

If I may, allow me to propose an alternative way to spend your Holiday Taint Period.

Seeing as how nothing you do this week counts, why take a seat on a stranger’s face? Let your backbone slide. Fly your freak flag. Get wild. Get crazy. It doesn't matter.

My patent-pending mouth/fingering combo might be the mouth/fingering combo you need this Holiday Taint Period. Give it a try... you might just like it!

Obligatory about me section: Early-mid 40s, Caucasian, reasonably attractive, in good shape, medium height. Vaxxed and boosted.

If I don't hear from you, have a very merry Holiday Taint Period.

Muah!