howdy howdy howdy

i’m writin you from the appalachian mountains, where I’ve been spendin my time eatin three bean stew, sippin the water from the streams, and smellin the sweet mountain air. i hitchhiked here and shacked up with old man pete. folks all around from west virginia to tennessee say that old man pete is the kindest and wisest man in all of appalachia and maybe even the united states. he took me in even though im an uncouth brownskin boy because he says he loves all men and women and queers regardless of race or religion or disposition. he says aint no fiber in his body or hair on his head given to discrimination.

during the day we go over to mr. jimmy’s farms to watch the cows. mr jimmy’s cows are broad and gentle beasts that fart loud while they chew cud and ponder existence. old man pete likes to get real close to the cows and just listen. he says the cows have much wisdom to share, more wisdom than leibniz or quine or even thomas browne. he says listening to the cows teaches you more than any book could teach you. he says that if we all just listened to the cows then one day every man woman and queer would run across the field together butt naked hand in hand in the spirit of peace and harmony.

at night old man pete makes his homemade corn mash moonshine. the brew is so strong that if you smell it your knees start to jiggle and your eyes vibrate in your skull. old man pete likes to boil it and bend down and breath the fumes because he says that’s what gives him the visions. because you see old man pete is a seer and has great visions and insights and that’s why folks all around from west virginia to tennessee say that old man pete is the kindest and wisest man in all of appalachia and maybe even the united states. i tried to smell the fumes to get the visions but i almost choked on my vomit and old man pete said to smell the fumes you need the gift.