This is going to be a success post, but because I'm an extreme nerd, it's also a bit of a meta breakdown of what it’s like to post here as a female, and my process for having a successful time.

So, I put up my F4M post on Saturday at about 1pm, and stated that I was looking to meet up with someone between 8-10pm. Between 1pm and 8pm, I got 290 messages:

• 24 (~8%) by DM
• 266 (~92%) by chat

I got four messages that weren’t from men looking to hook up. Three were from couples, and one was from a guy offering to come over and photograph me. All compelling, but not what my post was about, so, on to the remaining 286.

My post had five rules in it. Here’s how the messages performed against those rules:

Please be over 35

• 130 (~45%) of the repliers were at least 35
• 58 (~20% of all repliers, ~45% of repliers who were at least 35) claimed to be exactly 35, which seems improbably high; my guess is that the majority of those guys were younger and just saying they were 35 to meet my age limit
• 31 (~11%) were under 35
• the remaining 67 (~23%) didn’t mention their age at all
• the youngest guy who replied was 19, and the oldest was 60

Please be available to come to North York tonight, sometime between 8pm - 10pm

• 155 (~54%) said they were able to come over last night during that window
• 10 (~3%) said they couldn’t, but asked if we could hang out another time
• 121 (~42%) didn’t specify one way or the other

Please don't send dick pics

• I received exactly 75 (~26%) pics of dongs (some hard, some soft, I didn’t count these but I’d guess it was roughly 50/50)

Please don't send crude / vulgar / degrading messages

• This was a bit subjective, but I received about 80 (~28%) messages that I considered decently nice, well-written, and generally not gross
• The rest (206, or ~72%) were either very vulgar, very short, very tragically spelled, or all of the above

Please let me know what song or album you'd put on to fuck my mouth

• This was the funnest one! The purpose was twofold: get some insight into their personalities, and weed out the ones who didn’t actually read my post.
• 149 (~52%) didn’t mention a song or album at all, so they’re out
• 26 (~9%) were vague, either listing a few genres or just telling me to pick an album myself
• 15 (~5%) picked Maroon 5, presumably because I have a post in my history about how much Maroon 5 sucks balls
• 6 (~2%) picked My Bloody Valentine, presumably because I say in that same post that I love shoegaze
• 33 (~12%) picked the Weeknd. This was shocking to me.
• The rest was a smattering of very diverse and eclectic selections, from Led Zeppelin to Lana Del Rey to Korn, from hiphop to jazz to marching band music, and everything in between. One guy said he liked eating pussy to Ocean Pearl by 54-40. One guy said Rock Lobster, which I think was probably a troll answer, but I seriously considered picking him because it’s hilarious, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about deepthroating to Rock Lobster ever since. One guy said he’s decided to swear off music completely! From his whole life! Wild.

So, out of the 286 replies I got, only 28 (~10%) satisfied all five of my rules. That’s not many! Out of those 28, I picked the five that seemed like the best fit (late 30s, interesting thoughtful messages, intriguing musical choices), and sent them replies, telling them a bit more about what I had in mind, and just getting a feel for the vibe from a bit of conversation. I ruled three of those guys out pretty quickly, and Royal Blood guy and Tribe Called Quest guy were the last two standing, so it was really a coin flip. They were both friendly, chill, easy to talk to, and sounded like they understood what I was after, but weren’t being gross about it, and weren’t going to rape and/or murder me. I ended up picking the Royal Blood guy because he had messaged me first, and fair is fair.

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Phew! Okay, onto the actual success story. By the time I had found someone, and sent him my address, it started to feel real, and I was extremely turned on. I smoked a joint to calm my nerves, puttered around a bit, tidying up, putting away anything valuable, hiding my wallet, trying not to look like like a slob, etc etc, and basically psyching myself up for what was about to happen. The plan was for him to come over at 9pm, I’d leave the door unlocked and also leave a sticky note on the door with ‘Royal Blood’ written on it, so he’d know he had the right place. He’d let himself in, come find me (you can see right into my bedroom when you first walk in, if my door’s open), and fuck my mouth for as long as he wanted to.

At around 8pm, I was nice and high, and I put on a playlist of about 45 minutes of mellow stuff, followed by a bunch of Royal Blood, so it would kick in before he showed up. I’m not super familiar with Royal Blood, but that was part of the point; I wanted to get a glimpse into someone else’s life and experience their idea of a hot time. So I took my pjs off, got my vibrator out, got comfy on my bed, imagining what it would be like, and started masturbating. I got deep in the zone and lost track of time, because before I knew it, my playlist switched to Royal Blood, and I knew that meant he’d be here soon. By this point I was drenched, and I was fingering and rubbing my pussy pretty aggressively. I made myself cum, and after a few minutes of basking in that glow, I heard the door open.

I tilted my head back enough to catch just a glimpse of the general shape of a tall dude with dark hair, but I really didn’t want to make awkward eye contact, so I quickly closed my eyes. I was immediately insanely turned on again, my heart started pounding and I started rubbing my pussy again and running my other hand over my stomach and boobs.

I heard him walk into my room, and then felt his hand on my cheek. He just rubbed my face and neck and shoulder for a bit, while I gently played with myself. I moaned a bit to his touch, partly because it just felt good, and partly I guess as kind of a green light signal to him to keep going.

He pulled his pants down, and put his thumb into my mouth, and I sucked on it and licked it. Then he reached under my armpits and slid me up a bit until my head was at the edge of the bed, and I opened my mouth. My eyes had been closed this whole time. He slid himself into my mouth really slowly, and I started lapping at his shaft with my tongue. He got into a rhythm pretty much right away, and I just let myself zone out and follow his lead.

The buildup was gradual. He was more handsy than I was expecting, he was really spending time massaging the back of my head, rubbing my neck a lot, groping and rubbing my tits, all that good stuff. He wasn’t jackhammering my mouth too fast, he was just going slow and steady and deep and intense. It felt like he was using his whole body, rather than just pumping his hips forward. He was also letting out a lot of long, deep moans, which drove me crazy. He found just the right rhythm to get that slurpy gaggy sound out of me, without actually gagging me, so he could keep going without me having to stop him.

I made myself cum several times. The first time was using my vibrator, but I abandoned that pretty quick because it was getting me there too quickly and I wanted to draw it out. He was really good at reading my body language; I’d be touching myself with both hands, fingering myself with one and rubbing my clit with the other, until I was right on the edge, and then he’d pick up the intensity, until I clenched my legs together and arched my back and let an orgasm wash over me. After a couple of those cycles, my head started throbbing and my whole face went numb and tingly and I could hear myself making those schloppy throat noises, and I’m pretty sure my brain fully short-circuited.

Eventually, he started breathing and grunting more urgently, and I could tell he was getting close. I had told him I like it on my body, and so after one final push as deep as he could into my mouth, and holding himself there for a looong time (like 30 seconds ish?), he pulled out and stroked himself and made himself cum all over my tits and stomach. I laid there, lazily swirling his cum around on my body with my fingertips, and he just stood and watched me for a minute. Then he pulled his pants up, and quietly walked out the door and vanished into the night.

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Takeaways:

• I had a VERY good time.
• Chat is way more popular than DM, and it's extremely hard to sift through hundreds of chats and keep them organized and keep track of the good ones.
• I can’t believe how many guys in Toronto fuck to the Weeknd.
• Royal Blood is pretty awesome to get facefucked to while stoned.
• Succeeding as a guy in r/r4rtoronto isn’t that hard! Yes, you’re competing against almost 300 other guys, but you’re only really competing against the good ones, and there’s only a few of those.

Pro tips if you’re messaging someone on r/r4rtoronto: read their posts carefully, aim for 1 - 2 paragraphs, give lots of details about yourself, and for fuck’s sake, don’t be gross.

That’s all! Thanks again for the wonderful experience, Royal Blood guy. 10/10, would happily do it again. Maybe next time we can put on Rock Lobster. 🪨🦞