Glitchy. Terrible instructions. Dies occasionally. But starts right back up. Fairly disposable. If possible, please keep me all to yourself. Just give me some basic love and attention and I will think I am special for a little while. Then refill me whenever I look sad.

I’m diagnosed agoraphobic. Most of you wouldn’t understand how I can survive… Why try? Just go with it. I function way better than most within my parameters. Trust me, I’ve met others. I can honestly say that you wouldn’t even know I get panic attacks unless you put me in a car. It’s totally normal for pets to hate traveling. Right?

Maybe this would work, if you think of me like a pet that can eat, bathe, etc. on its own. Will do the dishes and laundry. Vacuum. Cook. Clean. Listen to you vent. Discuss anything. All that. I won’t run away. I’ll just do whatever you say… for the most part. I will get sassy with you, but that always makes for a good pet.

The less you make me leave my comfort zone and interact with other people, the happier I will be. The more you try to share me with other people, the less comfortable and safe I will feel.

This offer is for real introverts only. You can’t tell me you never wished you had your very own white guy to keep all to yourself. lol.

1. 5’6” 160lbs. I’ve been told I look young for my age. I’ll let you decide if you message me. I live in Oregon and would prefer to stay here… but I never say never.

So let’s get down to the financials. Unlike most other pets, there are no upfront costs. I can reliably contribute to the costs of a basic, simple lifestyle for two. I don’t need any more than that.