We all want to feel that spark on multiple levels; sex, values, personality, career, lifestyle, family plans, etc. Here is my attempt to tell you who I am without telling you who I am.

Sex: Enjoying memorable sex with a long term partner matters to me. A little rough is fun, but compared to what I see online I feel fairly vanilla and see myself as quite generous - if it isn't fun for both of us, why are we doing it together, right? There are fantasies which live inside my head that I struggle to articulate with partners for fear of making them uncomfortable. Look at my post history to see my kinks. The tl;dr is an emphasis on cumplay within a D/s dynamic. I prefer to chat with people rather than look at porn, and that is the context of the posts on my profile. I have been told to delete those posts because they will scare women away, but tbh I'd rather be honest and open rather than repressed. We all have fantasies, these have been mine and if they are a red flag, then I guess we should both be happy I was up front. IRL, I find good sex comes with communication, trust and mutual respect, and I generally do not enjoy hook ups or casual sex.

Values: Agnostic, university educated (BSc.), science literate and humble. I find beauty in subtlety and nuance. Yesterday I saw a guy on the train with a shirt that said "Silence isn't empty; it's full of answers" - I love that sort of esoteric worldview. Money isn't important to me, I prefer to spend time with people I care about, doing things which are intrinsically rewarding, or which make me feel like I am contributing meaningfully. I prefer to talk and interact rather than watch TV. Raised by second-wave feminists and I believe in human rights for all.

Personality: Hip hop and EDM music, arthouse movies, contemplative silences, swimming in clear water and conversations which combine the imaginative with the analytical. When you message, tell me a song/artist/genre of music you enjoy to show that you've read the whole post. I am an INTP and a virgo if those things mean anything to you. On the OCEAN scale, I'm high in openness, conscientiousness, and agreeableness, and low in extraversion and neuroticism. I'm low anxiety and emotionally stable. I'm also very patient, the right person is worth waiting for, I'm not as thirsty as my post history might imply and not interested in hookups, merely looking for good sexual chemistry. I am a very reserved person around people I don't know well, and have a dark and irreverent humour with my friends. A healthy relationship takes great communication, which is a strong point of mine. I also completely understand that mutual respect as humans comes before kink and other levels of connection.

Career: Self-employed for 10 years and I like to be in control of my time. I absolutely have plans to grow and expand in my career, but when I look back on my life, I want to be proud of my family more than my career.

Lifestyle: I enjoy swimming, hiking, making music and dancing. I have a varied and flexible work schedule. I drink rarely, more often recreational 420, and once-or-twice-yearly psychedelic use.

Family plans: I like to imagine having something like a 5 year 'honeymoon period' with a serious partner, followed by starting a small family with 2 or 3 children.

Appearance: I am tall, healthy, fit. I am seeking someone else who looks after themselves and values a healthy lifestyle. I am big on online safety and am not interested in sharing pics with just anyone, but if we seem to have chemistry then it's fine. Please don't lead with a photo, use your words, help me understand why you want to talk to me.

If you read all of that and don't think I'm an awful human, please consider giving me an upvote because it's pretty brutal getting downvoted for making an M4F post when trying to be open and honest!

Enough about me, for now, how about you? Feel free to message if this post made you feel some sort of way, I'm just as happy to receive criticism as I am to hear that something resonated with you.