Hey there! I’m a 39-year-old Astronaut who enjoys long walks to the fridge, attempting to cook (spoiler: it usually ends in takeout), and trying to find socks that match. When I’m not busy accidentally locking myself out of my house or tripping over nothing, I’m probably binge-watching Netflix and pretending I’m more cultured than I actually am.

What I’m Looking For:

• Someone who can laugh at my bad jokes (you’ll need it). • Someone who understands the concept of “We can share the dessert… unless it’s cheesecake, then it’s every person for themselves.” • Must enjoy [insert random hobby or interest], because let’s be honest, I need a buddy to help me pretend I’m actually good at it.

Things I Do Not Need:

• Someone who thinks pineapple on pizza is a crime (because, spoiler alert: it’s not). • People who don’t appreciate the greatness of Harry Potter [I've never watched it]. • A person who judges me for wearing pajamas to the grocery store...because, let’s face it, it’s practically a fashion statement.

Bonus Points If You:

• Can do the Macarena or interpretive dance (I’m a sucker for both). • Love dogs, or at least pretend to for the sake of winning me over. • Have a 10-step plan to help me become a late night person (yes, I’m that lost).

Random Reviews:

• “beautifulbanana is like a walking, talking mood lift – 11/10 would recommend if you like laughing at totally random moments.” – [Employee #1] • “They’ve definitely ruined my belief in human coordination, but they did it in the most adorable way possible.” – Bystander • “A good partner in crime, and great at keeping secrets. Also, if you need help finding lost socks, they’re probably hiding in their laundry basket.” – Ex Reddit GF

If you’re ready to embark on an adventure of bad jokes, questionable decisions, and occasional deep thoughts about why random things are so weird, reach out!

Just be prepared to laugh. And maybe bring pizza.