What interests you? I've recently been reading a fascinating book on the history of the East India Company, and out of curiosity I've also been making my way through a papal encyclical from the '60s which is about the human condition, focusing a lot on trends in development around the world, and despite all the Cold War stuff being out of date, a lot of the issues it was focusing on - underemployment, lack of housing, inequality etc are surprisingly relevant still. The next book on my list is Boy Swallows Universe - I've heard mixed reviews, but received enough recommendations that it's time to check it out.

I like to (partner) dance a few times a week - ideally I'd dance every day, but that's not easy without living with a dance partner! I watch a lot of youtube, some political commentators like Colbert, or Friendly Jordies, although lately the algorithm has got me trapped in an endless scroll of motivational speakers and business 'gurus'. In the past I've also really enjoyed writing, both fiction, discursive essays and also rap lyrics, however this year I've had enough competing priorities that I've been taking a break from that to focus on other things.

In general I am a very open-minded ideas-oriented person (INTP) and really enjoy learning about all sorts of things, whether it's history, science or philosophy. Here's an interesting concept I encountered recently:

Preference falsification is a social phenomenon which gets a lot of airtime in relation to polls and elections - someone might want to vote for one candidate, but when polled they will say someone else because they feel like it's a more socially acceptable answer. I think that this applies a lot to dating as well, where people will present themselves in a way that they think is most acceptable, even if it's not entirely true or accurate. Have you ever felt this pressure, or discovered it in people you've dated? I've had this experience with a fwb telling me that they were ok with a casual situationship. Personally, I prefer to be as honest as possible, but that can lead me to avoid certain topics, where I want to avoid being put in a position where I have to answer a question that might make myself, or the other person uncomfortable.

Posting here on my alt account is essentially outing myself in terms of my sexual fantasies, something which has taken years for me to open up about with past girlfriends. This is both a token of my desire to form an honest and open connection, but additionally a chance to remove the pressure of that communication from the get go.

My hope is that this will help people avoid wasting time with me - perhaps they're not in the same wavelength sexually (or in terms of other things that I've disclosed in various posts). I don't feel like it's a big red flag - but if it is for you, then I am glad to have given you the heads up!

So far I've had a few people reach out responding to posts, but there has always been a mismatch in what we're looking for. I'm not interested in wasting time on situationships, and I am ready for something long term (no pressure lol) so I am resigned to waiting until I can find that person who I can connect with easily, talk for hours, or simply sit in comfortable silence.

The pro-tip I've been given is to upload a photo showing my face since that's apparently a big factor in how some women here will decide if someone's legit - and not married or something.

Unfortunately, that doesn't work well for me since I am wary of online safety and don't really want it to come back and bite me later on.

However, I definitely understand the perspective, and I'm a little disappointed to not yet have thought of a better workaround.

I am happy to share pics when chatting with someone, if we're getting along - in fact, I think it would be a necessary precondition for meeting irl. Physical attraction is very important, and I don't want to waste anyone's time if we're not both excited to meet each other.

Why would a great potential partner be on reddit r4r pages? They probably wouldn't need to look very hard to find plenty of interest. But - I would put myself in that category, so perhaps there's another introvert out there, someone with personality, goals and a desire for an interesting life; who is disengaged from the dating app experience and without the time or interest in taking on additional commitments in life purely to meet a partner; who isn't afraid to reach out and see where things could go.