Do you agree with the statement "the first time you have sex with someone is the best because it's maximum novelty, and then as the novelty wears off it gets less fun?"

I was actually momentarily dumbfounded the first time someone expressed that opinion to me. I see the reasoning in it, but I disagree that novelty is the thing that makes good sex.

In my experience, the best sex always comes with time. The first time I sleep with someone I may not know how to read their facial expressions well, or not understand what turns them on or makes them uncomfortable. One night stands can be particularly anxiety-inducing, wondering if perhaps this person is even single, or why they're insisting that because they're on BC, I don't need to wear a condom.

My personal preference is for sex to be more than a mechanical process, but something creative, exciting and indulgent. There is no need for spontaneity, far more fun to plan it out so that my partner and I can be ready, prepared - and know we'll be able to rest and recover afterwards. If the goal was just to get off, having another person there sort of complicates that. I'm more than capable of taking care of that without assistance. If we're doing this together, I figure, it might as well be as enjoyable as possible for both parties. And to achieve that, there needs to be communication. To achieve honest communication there needs to be trust. To achieve that trust, there needs to be a sense of security, and usually commitment.

The longer I've been in a relationship, the better the sex has gotten. Always. Partly due to more comfort and less pressure to impress, partly due to more familiarity, and better ability to read their reactions, and partly due to the ability to communicate about fantasies in more detail while trusting that there is sufficient mutual respect to understand them in context.

There is perhaps one time I've had really fun sex with someone on the first attempt, and that was because they knew what they were looking for and made sure to have a sit down conversation before we got to the bedroom so that we both knew what the other liked and was looking for (and what they did not like and were definitely not looking for).

As a man, I perceive so much of dating culture to be oriented around sex. The common opinion seems to be that men are desperate for it and will do it with anyone who gives them an opportunity. And so, if a guy is not actiavely taking every shot and pushing conversations in a sexual direction, it can be construed as someone who is not particularly interested in sex. Ironically it is very low down my list of 'getting to know someone' topics, and yet it's actually something I feel reasonably important in life. I want that good sex in the future, but cannot bring myself to have bad sex in the present with someone I know isn't that right person.

I'm curious what other people think... How many people would prefer a new face in every encounter, vs how many people want to experience the intimacy that only years of familiarity can create? How many people prioritise sex as a goal when dating before they decide this is the person they want to commit to longterm - or perhaps even before they decide to date this one person exclusively?