Do you know the parable of the blind men and an elephant? I feel like whatever I say here is necessarily incomplete and probably misleading. I could trumpet my virtues, but why should you believe me when I say I'm a good person? I could list my faults, but you might just write me off as an asshole. Perhaps, if I write enough, you can get a 'vibe' from the way I express myself; and if I'm lucky you'll be left with the impression that I'm a more complex and interesting person than what could be contained in a too-long r4r post.

It's crazy to me how frustrating dating can be. I am a very reserved person and don't feel comfortable approaching women in public, (and don't really want to learn 'game' because I have better things to do with my time than manipulate people ^{or so I tell myself}); and all promising matches on the apps inevitably ghost. The women in my life who I am not interested in and keep at arm's length tend to chase more and more, while the women I make myself emotionally available for tend to flee. It can make me feel like I need to be aloof and play games, but tbh I just can't be that guy. I really just hope to find someone and have a mutual attraction which is exciting for both of us. I don't know why I expect this to be the place to find my person, but if it has to be online I'd rather be able to express myself in more than a tinder bio, and the edgelord in me is disgusted by the thought of letting a multinational corporation choose who gets to read it. Somehow there is more romantic appeal in meeting someone on reddit than a dating app..

I'm interested in nondualist metaphysics, moral philosophy#Reinterpretation_of_biblical_stories), social theory, Harry Potter and science & technology. I like reading, but more often listen to audiobooks. While a good tv show or movie is nice, 90% of the time I would prefer to converse, even if we're just talking smack (which I do a lot of, and with pretty dark humour, once I trust you to know me well enough to separate my jokes from my beliefs). Being in nature often is nourishing to my soul, as is infrequent partying.

I have myriad hobbies, and hesitate to enumerate the less generic ones here, lest someone who knows me identify me by my eccentric spread of interests (lol, I know, I sound like a twat). I love swimming, dancing, writing, deep conversations, meaningless wordplay and spending time with people I care about. Quality time and acts of service are how I like to show people that I care.

I'm a standard-issue, tall ^{(over the magic number}), lean ^{(can do at least one pull up on a bad day}), brown-haired, white guy. I'm happy to share pictures *after* spending a little time chatting and getting to know/trust each other first. Yes, I care what you look like, being shallow is definitely a fault of mine, and I realise you will care what I look like. But please don't send a photo or ask for a photo in your first message(s). I am a very patient person and I am not trying to rush to meet up. I've found, ironically, that rushing into things prematurely is a recipe for wasted time. If we get along and we're both interested, I'm sure it will happen. If you decide to send me a message and want to show me that you've read this post carefully, tell me a food you like and a food you dislike.

I'm looking for a long term partner. I have done a lot of dating in the past where I have wanted sex, and I've grown tired of hurting someone I've been sleeping with - when I knew before we slept together that it wasn't going to become more. Sex is important, but I'd rather prolong a dry spell than lead someone on.

I will also mention that I have posted on this account specifically because my post history contains explicit posts which will give you a clear insight into my sexual fantasies. I am not looking for hookups, nor am I expecting to literally live out the fantasies described, but I am looking for someone who feels some level of sexual compatibility on that basis. The tl;dr is D/s dynamics, lots of dirty talking and an emphasis on cum. Honestly, while I am radically honest, this is a really hard conversation to initiate since, while I know there's a peg for every hole, I find it painfully audacious to expect anyone to like what I like and would have no interest in someone 'humouring' me.. So, I preferred to take this approach to out myself at the outset and see where the chips fall.

Despite how I probably come across, I don't want to make this feel too serious, and to start with I would like to spend a little time messaging, establishing rapport, taking advantage of the anonymity we have here to have some candid conversations and/or edgy arguments - sex, politics, religion and all the fun stuff. I enjoy civil disagreements, tongue-in-cheek debates and am also very comfortable with being challenged on fundamental beliefs. Whether or not we are ideologically aligned has nothing to do with whether or not I can respect someone as a person.