We all want to feel that spark on multiple levels; values, personality, sex, career, lifestyle, family plans, etc. Here is my attempt to tell you who I am without telling you who I am.

Values: Quality time, curiosity and honest communication. I am agnostic and respect people as humans. I value humility more than intelligence, health more than wealth, respect more than manners. I consider myself a very spiritual person, but in my own deductive, rational way.

Personality: INTP, virgo. I'm equanimous. I'm very patient. I'm reserved around people I don't know well, and have a dark and irreverent humour with my friends. I have strong communication skills. I also completely understand that mutual respect as humans comes before kink and other levels of connection. I have been told "I can't imagine you being flirtatious" by someone I was not dating and I have also been told "I really did not expect you to be so sexual - in a good way" by someone I was dating.

Sex: Enjoying memorable sex with a long term partner matters to me. I am not interested in hookups. A little rough is fun, but if it isn't fun for both of us, why are we doing it together, right? Often, I find kinks hard to articulate for fear of making partners uncomfortable. I've posted with this account so you can look at my post history to see my kinks. The tl;dr is an emphasis on cumplay within a D/s dynamic. Those are fantasies about which I'd prefer to be honest and open rather than repressed. IRL, I find good sex comes with communication, trust and mutual respect, as well as the comfort of familiarity, commitment and intimacy. I've had one sexual partner in the 3 years since my last test, but I can get tested again.

Career: I have been self employed for about 10 years. Honestly, I'm in the midst of a dumpster fire right now, but hopefully things will even out over the next few months. One of my many foibles is my desire to learn and do all the things when I probably should really be focusing on one thing consistently. The biggest challenge of being self employed is doing all the work that no one is paying you for. I love talking shop, but for reasons of privacy I will not do so here. If you care about ambition in a partner, I have it. If you care about conspicuous consumption in a partner, I am going to disappoint you.

Lifestyle: In my free time I like to be with people I love; enjoy the outdoors walking or swimming at the beach; working on creative projects, writing, producing music, dancing. I drink once or twice a month and get drunk once or twice a year. I have a strong preference to find a partner who is open to seasonal psychedelic use.

Family: I like to imagine having something like a 5 year 'honeymoon period' with a serious partner, followed by starting a small family. I care about maintaining active connections with relatives, and am happy to expand that to include my partner's family, too.

Appearance: I am tall, healthy, fit. I am seeking someone else who looks after themselves and values a healthy lifestyle, with some hedonism in moderation. I am big on online safety and am not interested in sharing pics with just anyone, but if we seem to have chemistry then it's fine. Please don't lead with a photo, use your words, help me understand why you want to talk to me.

If you read all of that and don't think I'm an awful human, please consider giving me an upvote because it's pretty brutal getting downvoted for making an M4F post when trying to be open and honest!

Enough about me, for now, how about you? Feel free to message if this post made you feel some sort of way, I'm just as happy to receive criticism as I am to hear that something resonated with you.