Do you really think that internet stranger who wants to make out with you before you finish introducing yourself hasn’t done the same with 20 other people recently? Unlike STDs, you can give this to/get this from friends and family and you’re vastly more likely to transfer it through swapping saliva. It’s not just your own sexual health you’re putting at risk. It’s everyone’s health.

I see some of your posts about “since we’re staying in to prevent the virus spread...” and then go on to offer to trade viruses with strangers. You’re far more likely to get/spread the virus making out with one stranger than by shaking hands with a couple dozen!

Seriously, just masturbate for a bit. When this is over, people are going to be extra horny and you can start making the rounds again. Until then, here’s a way to satisfy your urges: www.pornhub.com.

Thank you to everyone who is not acting like the porn parody version of Typhoid Mary.