Hey! you’re beautiful and i hope you’re doin’ well :D

ABOUT ME:
dum
stupid
dumb

my sense of humor is as bleak and as self deprecating as Apple's contributions to humanity since Jobs died. I've seen none of your shows, have an allergy to peanuts, love my city for 0 practical reasons and only because im sentimental, i think the cars of the 90s are happenin' and that the US elections are a giant staged reality TV series. Give bread and circuses after all. 'and the people shall never rebel.' my favorite pastime is sending insulting and hateful texts to guy friends at random.

I'm 28, born and raised in this sad gray city. spent a decade as a competitive swimmer. homeschooled (yes, raised in a cult). I'm 5'6, 140 lbs, and will turn you inside out with my wool monopoly in settlers of catan. im switchy as all fuck and very sadomasochistic. i make fucking good pizza and have no fear of cleaning. i workout (1 pushup) every day and have a glorious monitor tan that makes Edward Cullen look Mexican.

Being a manic shit and having no patience for any problem that can’t be solved with a hammer or big rock, software was the obvious career for me. I've been doing it for 8 years. I hate my job and want to raze the planet. When I really get into my craft, I get so immersed and at one with the machine, i start flirting like one :) i'm a startup freelancer. i love working all the time for idiot fictional ideas cracked up by a stoner i call a boss and waking up to find out i dont have a job anymore cuz we ran out of money. again. (youtube 'CEO Erick Hayden' for the best analog to my work life)

for fun, i light a blunt and play minecraft or draw, or i get drunk and chase gorls or write. currently i'm reading thoreau, velikovsky, the new testament, and '101 ways to stretch your own asshole until it's like old elastic'. my favorite anime is samurai champloo.

my mind, while desolate and not particularly thoughtful, is incredibly open. im religious. I don't believe in objective truth, so you'll have more fun eating glass than trying to debate anything beyond the perfect viscosity of mac and cheese, with me. i'm waging a one man and machine war on violence and poverty (and am getting my ass handed to me). i have the emotional intelligence of a nerd and can't do anything that looks like poly. or men.

i don't own a car, don't have a college degree, but do live with a fucking epic cat.

ABOUT YOU:
kind
sassy
will physically fight me
older than 23
younger than 33
in washington state, west of the cascades :D

i'm looking for someone kind in action, but prickly with their words.

kindness is my favorite virtue. ideally, you're kinder than me so i can learn by being around you. your words will never offend me (until you bring up the sodding news!) but i admire most those who are considerate in their actions towards others.

but at my root, i am an asshole and i need me a woman that can have fun with that. when i facetiously tell her to fuck off, she's gotta tell me to stretch my scrotum out like a sail and paddle over a lake of my own tears. insults make me smile :) tell me the worst thing you can think about my warped face and i'm yours forever.

im a huge huge foreplay guy. i love wrestling and power struggles most of all! nothing beats a fight between two switches to decide whose topping (that's obviously gunna be me). pain, humiliation, and domination, it's all wonderful. i love cuddles, kisses, and pets :) i could kiss for hours. i love to eat pussy! please sit on my face :

cheers. You’re a wonderful person who deserves incredible happiness! Chase your dreams without relent! :3