I believe in fate. That everything happens for a reason. That you can manifest something, but the best things come when you plant a seed of hope and then fully surrender.

I'm recently separated from my partner of ten years. It was not a good relationship, and while it's a bummer that it didn't work out, I'm more excited than sad. Now, I can wish him well, put it behind me and find new connections that are deeper and more fulfilling.

I've posted a few times trying to define what I want, but even though I was specific I still felt like I was avoiding being completely honest and wholehearted.

First things first: I'm not sure if I ever want to get married or live with a man again. I'm happy to have a commitment ceremony (I like pretty dresses) and spend lots of time at each other's houses (there are some great places that come up in my neighborhood for sale sometimes!) I am also done having bio kids - but may be open to fostering someday.

Logistics: I live about an hour north of Seattle. That's an average - it varies based on traffic and other transportation considerations. Tolls are involved.

I have a kid in elementary school that I have joint custody of. I am with him about 60% of the time and don't want a partner meeting him for a very very very long time. Because of this, we could probably hang out about once a week or so - any more than that might be tough.

Relationship type: I don't think I'll ever want to be monogamous again. I feel like monogamy is setting most of society up for failure. I lean more "relationship anarchy" than poly, but still figuring all that stuff out.

I'm a feminist and a big reason why my last relationship ended was because of imbalance in labor - emotional, mental and household. If I sense anything less than proportionate effort in any of these categories - even early on - I will know the relationship is not for me.

I am interested in a stag/vixen dynamic and/or cuckold adjacent stuff. I'm not a huge fan of humiliation, am not into chastity or race-focused kinks and don't want to be a huge slut - but I like the idea of having my partner get pleasure from watching me get pleasure from other people. In an ideal world you and I would work together to find a handful of consistent lovers for me that I would spend time with both with and without you.

I have a lot of interests I also have a really distinct personality, so I'm not going to share too much on here because my personality is so distinct that someone could read this and be like "Oh, hey, that's deffo my friend _____!" Not that my friends are probably frequenting kinky subreddits, but you really never know.

Politically I am very left. I believe in universal basic income, that no one should be living in misery, that investing time and energy into building community would help us all out, that capitalism is a scam and that laziness does not exist, among other things. I try to acknowledge my privilege as much as possible. All of this stuff is very important to me and it is unlikely that I would be compatible with someone who has drastically different values.

I'm cute, I promise. I am currently overweight but that will probably change in the next couple of years, though I will always be curvy cause I got hips. I like them. Style is important to me, fashion not so much. I see my clothes as one of my main forms of creativity.

The things you probably won't like:

• I have genital herpes. I take meds. It's really not an issue for me, but it's an issue for some people. I tried to be straightforward about it so you can make informed choice. Chances are if you've slept with four people in your lifetime, at least one of them had it and probably didn't give it to you. But somehow the stigma of it all usually outweighs the reality. Such is life.

• I move slow. I will likely want to talk online for at least a week before we meet. I prefer to meet in public without alcohol for the first meeting. If you are pushy about meeting right away then I'm probably not the right person for you.

• I am having a pretty major medical procedure within the next month, so it is actually unlikely that I will be doing much in person meeting at all before (and for a few weeks after) that. If you like what you're reading then this would be a good time to chat with me and get to know me and see if we connect emotionally. I also have a couple of ways to chat outside of Reddit (not Snapchat though for the love of god) if we hit it off.

• I require pretty robust online conversation before I can move to the next level. Yes, I know I addressed this in the previous bullet point, but I want to emphasize how important conversation is to me. I would say that about 90% of the messages I get are a single word or sentence. That gives me zero idea of who you are, and I likely won't respond to that. TBH, you may not think so, but this really fits into the whole mental and emotional labor thing - if I feel like I am having to put a bunch of effort into making a conversation happen then I will likely abandon it pretty quick. If you feel like work I don't want you around. That's why I don't have a husband anymore.

• I'm a huge feminist, to the point where I have been known to challenge your habits and beliefs, especially about the labor types mentioned before. It might make you uncomfortable, However, I feel like it is important to address these things early on rather than later (like, you know, after several years of marriage and a kid) You have been warned.

• I am currently dating one person. We are non-monogamous in an unethical manner. I don't like that part but I like him a lot. It is highly unlikely that he and I will ever be involved in a serious relationship. I don't get to see him is often as I would like and the scheduling aspect sucks. He is enthusiastic about me seeing other people and is into the idea of MFM stuff. He's fucking great.

• If we have sex I want to use condoms. I don't love the fact that I have to say this, but I am finding that very few people want to use them in this post divorce/middle age era. I mean, I get it, but also...no.

Years ago I read an article about a frugal wedding. The writer didn't have a wedding photographer - when it came to photos she said "What? Photos? Why do I need multiple? All I need is one."

I have taken that approach with every photo shoot I've done over the years (Not that I do a ton of photo shoots, but I've done them) and now I am applying it to my life. Will I get a bunch of totally appropriate and perfect responses to this ad? Probably not. But you know what? It only takes one.

Are you that one? I hope so!

Have a great weekend 💜