I’m looking for something a little unique. I’m not feeling particularly creative or eloquent at this moment so I’ll make a list of what I’d like to find.

1. A friend. A good friend. Someone I can have intelligent and intellectual conversations with. I’m talking about some serious science shit here, or history, sociology, mythology, or…fuck it. Math. I even want to talk about math. So if you’re are an intensely nerdy and curious person you should really really think about responding to me. And after you’re done thinking about it, you should respond to me.

2. Someone who doesn’t ask questions about my personal life. I want an escape from all of that. I feel trapped in life and I would really love to have a friend who I can talk to without me having to think about the stress in my life.

3. Someone who understands that I don’t have a lot of free time to hang out, but I can meet up on occasion for coffee or a walk in the park or something. I can’t take you on dates, and I can’t get hammered with you and make out in the back of my car. We can make out in the back of my car, just not hammered.

Bonus but totally not required: Mutual attraction. If there’s an attraction there and we decided to go up to third base then I fully support that endeavor. I don’t want to get anyone pregnant and I’m scared of STIs so we would probably never fuck, but if things escalate and we become friends who make out and fool around then that would be an incredible bonus. Again, not at all required.

I’m mostly looking for female companionship. I honestly like women more than men and not just sexually. Women are better listeners, more compassionate, and generally more interesting to get to know. I’m a straight masculine male, but I’ve found I just connect better with women. Most of my best friends have been female. Some of them were just friends and some were friends with benefits. I’m fine either way.

Here’s an ice breaker for when you message me: Tell me which animal you find the most interesting. Personally I have to go with a platypus. I mean, just look at that fucker. It’s basically a cross between a duck and a beaver. And the males have a stinger with venom! How crazy is that? It’s a mammal that looks like a duck, lays fucking eggs, and can sting you!

What are your thoughts on this topic?