I'm a bit different from other guys. I'm not saying that as a pro or con. Just, well, I've scanned over the bulk of posts being put here and feel like I might be a bit of an outlier. I'm looking for a really specific sort of relationship that doesn't seem to be very common. Not had much luck beyond some nice, but ultimately lacking in compatibility, dates with women here in Japan. I enjoy eating at new places and hearing other people's stories so the dates are fun but to improve my odds I figured I'd venture out from Bumble and Hinge to cover a wider area. The specifics of what I'm looking for are easier described, I think, if I just do my best to detail who I am. So... well, here's me.

Biography

I'm 29 years old. About 185 cm tall. Right now I weigh about 270 lbs. Two years ago I weighed 350 lbs. So kind of happy with how I'm doing there. I stopped drinking soda and sugary beverages which helped a lot. I'm not a health nut, I enjoy a good sweet or slice of red meat, but I generally try and be mindful of what I eat. Only go out to eat if it's with friends and enjoy cooking at home. I'll meal prep cold foods like overnight oats, but really don't like to microwave meals so I aim for fresh food snacks and cooked meals, not big on reheating for later consumption. I drink a lot of water, coffee, and orange juice. My guilty pleasure is dark chocolate (bitter). Since moving to Japan I've really enjoyed the homemade ramen and when going out to eat you can't really go wrong with Okonomiyaki.

Not a smoker. I drink socially and will down a Strong Zero as a nightcap from time to time. Enjoy wine more than whiskey. Where I'm from in the U.S. I lived near a vineyard so sweet wines with peach, blueberry, and seasonal fruit flavors were my top picks. I'm a hefty fellow so I can hold my liquor quite well. On top of that I've the benefit of being a happy drunk. Back in the states I'd smoke weed from time to time. Hardest drug I've ever done is LSD. I've never hallucinated, visual or auditory, just felt very relaxing and serene.

I moved to Japan about 7 months ago for a list of reasons. Some personal, others more generic, such as wanting to see more of the world and experience life in another culture. Its really grown on me. I've considered going over to China for better pay and benefits but not I want to give up the peaceful lifestyle I've got here. Really just depends on who I end up meeting.

Godless heathen. Don't get me wrong. I like religion. I view faith as a tool. A tool doesn't have a moral objective. People will use religion to achieve whatever intention they desire it for. Most people I've met use religion as a way of understanding the world, themselves, and their place among others. I think that's fine. It can be difficult not having answers. And I've always really liked the Terry Pratchet quote from The Hogfather "You have to believe in things which are not true, how else are they to become so?" Personally I just don't believe in any of it. But I really enjoy the act of pretending to believe in it. The celebration, the revelry, the community of it all across all different faiths and beliefs. I'm a Godless heathen but I harbor great respect for faith and those who follow it. I just also harbor great resentment towards those who use it as a weapon.

I'm outdoorsy. Like, cozy cabin vibes. I think a good life would be to live out on a somewhat remote little ranch and just enjoying the natural beauty of the surrounding world. Sharing my little piece of paradise with a chosen family. For my contributions I'm good at building things, repairing things, and caring for animals. Benefit of growing up in a vet clinic with two veterinarians as parents. Right now I'm at the point in my life where I'm considering going back to school for veterinary medicine. For my hobbies I enjoy kyaking, hiking, hammocking, trail riding, and general woodsman activities as much as I enjoy board games, video games, and watching the morning news to stay updated on world events. A good mix of nature and modern living.

My dating history. Well, kind of non-existent. I've never really dated. Back in high school I did a bit. Two girlfriends but neither really worked out well (dumb teenager stuff, I was a shitty teen boy). During college and after I just never got the hang of it. Plenty of one-off dates and hookups, some situational FWB things, but no actual dating. I have two really big insecurities stemming from my childhood that I just never got past. One being my inability to understand myself. I've never felt loved. My parents were great providers but they only knew how to show affection through financial support. Throw money at me but stay emotionally distant. Wasn't the best system. From that I find it very difficult to truly feel like anyone can care for me the way I seem to care for others. I'm aware enough to realize that other people can and have, and that I'm just incapable of receiving that affection due to my second insecurity. I don't really trust anyone. I love people. I'm extroverted, energetic, and fun-loving. I just don't trust people. I have a bad habit of treating everyone like children. Fun to be around, great for a laugh, but when they start running all I can see are sharp corners on tables and tripping hazards. In my head everyone else is just clumsy and immature and I have to be the emotionally distant caregiver parental figure. This makes dating tough. And it's just part of my emotional defense mechanisms to avoid heartbreak. I'm working on it and I've made a lot of progress but I'd be lying if I said I was completely ok. I think I at least have the benefit of knowing my insecurities, even if I struggle to understand what kind of person they make me.

And speaking of relationships. I don't really know where I am on the polyamory or monogamy thing. I try not to think about relationships in terms of filling in the blanks. I'm looking for a connection. To meet the person I can build something with. I don't know what I'm building yet, because I haven't met them, but once I do I'm happy to build anything we want together. Be that a cozy cabin for two or a village brimming with Dionysian debauchery. It's the find of thing I think is best figured out together. I know my theme and what I like. The rest is best figured out together. My sexuality is as equally questionable. I'm a large hairy man. I don't like other large hairy men. That's my role. That said I have had past encounters with men and transwomen. I think my sexuality is best described as being attracted to feminine, not specifically female.

My emotional maturity is relatively high for a guy my age and in my condition. I've gone through a lot. Past work with adults that have developmental disabilities, living in the Southern states, and dealing with my family have tempered my character. I'm described by my coworkers as the happy American. Get a laugh out of pretty much everybody I meet. And I diffuse tensions with drunken teenagers on the Midosuji line by carrying around Pokemon cards to hand out. It doesn't matter how bent out of a shape a drunken 20 year old Japanese guy might be, you hit him with a Pikachu and suddenly you're best friends. I'm also capable of being wrong. In fact I'm wrong about a lot of things. And I don't mind be corrected. Ego has never been a huge issue with me.

Let's see... don't want to leave anything important out... oh! I enjoy creative writing. I don't believe in Gods, spirits, fate, or the supernatural but I will create imaginary conversations with non-existent deities while visiting shrines or chilling at spots in nature because it feels therapeutic to talk to myself from a different perspective.

And yeah. That kind of wraps up the basics. I tell really funny stories, I'm busted up but still functional, and I really enjoy anthropology and learning about the world around me. So now for the part about what kind of person I'm looking for.

Ideal Partner(s)

Somebody who wants me.

Of course there's more to it than just that. But it's a good general indicator of what I'm looking for in an overall sense. I'm not interested in competing for affections against other guys or filling some traditional gender role of male provider. For me love is when you meet the person who wants you to be happy because they love the way it makes you feel. That's not something you get after one meeting. It's something you build up over time. Just have to meet the person who wants to get there with you.

And that's it. Everything else doesn't seem as relevant.