I frequently see memes and people online post things about how easy it is for females to meet men and all that stuff, but what they never mention is how hard it is to meet anyone of substance. I can feel my soul leaving my body more every day, being crushed in this life that holds little resemblance to the idyllic one I had planned as a young adult. Through the five or so posts I've made, I've found plenty of men in my situation, most just want to sext, have a one time thing, or merely rant about what they hate about their married life, and be done with me. Though married, I'm not afraid to exchange pictures in private chat and I get that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but there are only so many times I can hear that I'm ugly or just flat-out ghosted.

I seek something of substance, something leading to a long entanglement is the only thing I find exciting. Even maybe someone I could leave for after my child is older. She's the reason I stay currently.

I'm educated and have a good job, a really flexible one that I can get away from at any time to have our clandestine meetings. I've lived a long life for 33, but still have some years to go. The future appears bleak from where I currently stand and I'm trying to change that, desperately.

I get asked what's so wrong in my marriage that I'd seek this, so I can sum it up in a few sentences. We don't communicate, have sex or share any of the same interests anymore. We've grown pretty far apart and over our long relationship, he became more religious and thinks we should stick it out no matter what. In practice that sounds wonderful, but in reality, it's an excuse for him to treat me however he wants and knows I'll still be here. He tries to control every single aspect of my life, to the point where anything I do that he disagrees with turns into a lecture on how to be his perfect wife, not caring that all he's doing is pushing me further away.

I don't think I am particularly bad looking, but men on the internet sure make me think I am. In 2020 I got very sick, had several brain surgeries, and was on bed rest for a long time. I got up to 340 lbs about. I'm under 200 now, about 190 and still going. I wasn't ever very large before that and am working very diligently to get back to my normal self.

I'm pretty short, barely above five feet. Caucasian. You know my weight. Brownish red hair. A few tattoos, probably won't ever get any more. Green eyes.

I should mention that I've met a few men who I absolutely loved and then their life got in the way. I don't hold that against them... life happens and I'm mature enough not to stand in the way.

If there is anything at all that I missed or you would like to know, ask me.