58F, married 36 years and feeling like my life was a waste. My marriage was, is and will continue to be miserable. The only positive thing to come from it was my 27 year old son. So much upheaval and extra stress now has brought me to my knees thinking about how I took so much. As an empath married to a narcissist life isn’t easy and I think that I’ve dissociated and become a bit numb. Why did I stay? In addition to him there is his family who have made my life miserable. They are unbelievable and he now has finally come to terms that they are toxic and he was physically and emotionally abused by a bully of a father and a cold mother. So finally severing his relationship to them and the life changes has set him on a downward spiral of anxiety, depression, helplessness and a breakdown. Here I am again dealing with it. What about me? 36 years of being yelled at, made fun of, shown no respect and boredom. We’ve never sat and had a conversation ever, no laughing, being silly, making good memories, sharing feelings. I deserved so much more! I deserve to laugh, have fun, be appreciated, have someone enjoy me, get a kick out of me and want to talk to me. Yes I knew he was a bit stuffy compared to me but we got engaged right before my 19th birthday. Too, too young….married at 22……so stupid. While some say opposites may attract, it’s BS in the long run. So sitting here realizing I’m 58 and basically staying married for the health insurance. We moved a lot due to his jobs and I didn’t get a chance to keep current in my career, so I’ve had jobs. While I have post Master’s degree certificates in my field I can’t get a job to support myself. I’ve also recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease and couldn’t work during a flare up. So just reflecting on a shit life. Im fun, funny, silly, spontaneous, intelligent and love to talk. I love chatting with strangers. When you have a child who you love more than anything in this world it’s hard to say you wouldn’t have gotten married if you had it to do again because he’s the good that came from the marriage but if I put him out of the picture I would never ever marry my husband again. There’s so much more and his current mental state is putting everything on me…….that I can’t deal. I’ve always described my marriage as him driving a car and me in the back seat, not even in the front. Sooooo I’d love a friend or confidante that I don’t know to talk about things because anonymity makes it easier. I’m done chatting to various therapists. It’s not going to change. I want to talk about being 58, not happy with your life, your marriage and thinking where did it go and what to do now. I’d love responses from people in as similar positions as me. Although a F I do prefer talking to men for their perspective and I’ve always felt more comfortable. I’m not looking for anything sexual, “dating”, an affair or the like. No middle school BS. I’d be most comfortable with a M 56-65ish. I need a Gen x my age. To realize there was no point in your marriage prior to your son’s birth and after empty nest, that wasn’t miserable is a big ass pill to swallow. If I get no responses that’s ok. It was cathartic to vent.