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Hello!
I am part of the cohort of 30-somethings who unlocked their gender and sexuality during the pandemic lockdown. I'm not out at work or to most of my family for income reasons, so no photos until we know each other better. I am 5'7", 230lbs, and will always wear purple accessories given the option.
As for the type of relationship I'm looking for, all I know is that several times when I have managed to make a really good friend (this is difficult because of being autistic), I loved them more than they loved me. When phases of life changed (school, jobs) and we drifted apart, I felt like part of me drifted away with them. After much time spent on Tumblr and TikTok, I suspect that what I actually wanted with those people was something with more commitment than just BFFs. In person, I seem cold at first, but when I trust someone I am very tactile. I made a friend while studying abroad who would put his head in my lap when we watched movies and who would let me play with his hair and such, and that was awesome. But looking back I realized he was trying to flirt with me and I just missed the signals. Sigh I would have been very happy for that relationship to continue with that level of physical intimacy without ever becoming romantic in any way.
I lucked out in that my partner of almost 9 years is also autistic and we've never followed the relationship rulebook. I found what I needed before knowing there was a name for it.
Why am I looking for another relationship when I already have a very happy, stable partnership? 1) Why not? I finally figured out the rules are literally just made up and I'm ready to break them. 2) My partner is a cis guy and while he loves and supports me unconditionally, he doesn't understand gender. I would like to have someone in my life who gets that part of me.
Disclaimer: I do struggle with anxiety and depression. I've been terminally online for a long time so part of me thinks that should be part-and-parcel with living in a capitalist hellscape, but maybe it's not. So now you know :D
Other facts about me:
I am obsessed with Bucky Barnes (Marvel comics)
I work in eye care and will infodump about eyeballs to anyone who give me the opportunity
I love coffee and hate tea
I used to love hiking before mental health garbage happened. I would like to (slowly, have patience with my out-of-shape ass) get back into that
I have one of those faces where people think I'm innocence incarnate but I swear like a sailor and have spent way too much time on AO3 to be surprised by much of anything anymore
I was raised in a very white southern baptist homeschool family and am in a continuous state of (un)learning. I'm some kind of leftist polytheist, but still figuring it out
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