We’re the top 5 ppl we spend most of our time with. That being said, you’d be lucky to know someone like me. #confidencemuch?

Why, yes. I am amazing! 你是厉害！

I’m attempting mandarin. Emphasis on attempt. Attempt nonetheless!

I am…

Untouched by the world. A diamond in the rough, a mystery untold, maybe one day be written. A mind so bold with a wit so sharp. A tantalizing speech of provocativeness. Succinct and safe, a grace in her embrace.

Some wonder how can I do what I do. Where did I come from? How is it that I exist? And why am I so wonderful!?

The truth is, you’ll have to find out. I will tell you though, I’m delulu. I’ve built myself a little world. I’d like to show it to you, if I can. If you’ll let me. If you haven’t made me revoke your rights to a whole new world. I get it, you feel unsure about me. I’m too intense. Well… True. But actually I’m just too fucking legit to quit. If there’s an apolcalypse I’m running to safety and hiding. Im scared 😭 Not to brag but my hiding spots are… chefs kiss. If there’s a zombie apocalypse… Im still scared but a lifetime of hopeless hope, fuck that noise. I’ll be the first in line to get bit. Zombify me, bitch. I feel like I’m more cowardly than self preservation but you take your pick. ;)

You will receive - Plethora of questions to answer. Answer them right. Or Ill half ass your ass outta this… Ass. - Customized responses, curated on the behavior of your effort. Low effort=low engagement, lower end responses.
- Food porn worth drooling over. - Spam messages in passionate monologues.

Do - Be open minded - I’m a weird person to get used to WAY too many quirks. - Be kind - I’m an old fossil that still doesn’t know how to use Twitter or some understand memes. I sometimes communicate in gifs. - Quick on your feet - if I have to explain myself all the time in discussion are we having one or is this a lecture hall? - Wanting to improve - good change is the name of the game. I’m all about self improvement and if you’re happy being a shitty person why are we talking?

Don’t - Make me your therapist. I dont know what my going rate is but it’s expensive! - Write tragedies with me innit. I have my own shit I gotta worry about. - Make me fall in love you. I got shit I need to do!

In all seriousness—Im looking for good friends. A support group. My sounding board, some amount of inner peace and someone to practice my rusty ass flirting skills with. Someone to rant to about the dating life. I dont want nor do I desire to exchange pictures. I dont need to know what you cant get over, what you’re carrying until I actually ask and maybe not even then. This is pure conversation. Come at me as if you’re someone you already like. Or if not, reinvent yourself.

It starts now, folks!