I'm frustrated, no doubt about it.

Every time I think I click with someone, they wind up disappointing me or vanishing without a trace. Covid seems to have only made things worse, since I can't even remember the last time I got to hear the laughter and see the smiles between people in a big room. And after all this time, I'm still thinking of the day I finally get to meet you. To think that I took going out for granted really just makes all of this compound into me just straight up missing so many of my friends and living in this world not knowing what tomorrow brings. Beyond the frustration is just a hope that all of this will blow over and we can laugh over it with a few pina coladas while we listen to that song, because it obviously makes it taste better. I'm not so much looking for you, as I am just hoping you're doing alright. These past months have honestly been some of the hardest of my life in that, what little social ability we have, makes no difference if I can't even hug or high five someone anymore. It was the element of human touch and presence that really made days so much better for me, and wherever you are, I just hope you're doing your best too. I have failed far more than I succeeded this year, even with my successes being a pretty big deal personally, it still feels like I still have so much more to go. I feel like I'm chasing an end goal I can't quite seem to grasp yet. If this sounds like rambling, maybe it is, maybe all of this is just a way of taking a giant weight off my chest for once. I'm tired of feeling all the pressure I do trying to find you, even if it sounds stupid, having that support, you having my back would mean a world of difference. Maybe after all of this ends, sooner rather than later, I can tell you about all the skills I learned while watching the world around me change. It's crazy to think that just a year ago, I was having a night out with friends, and now I'm sitting here typing my heart out because I feel like it's long overdue. I'm sure you have your own stories to tell, perhaps more grand and exciting that yours truly, and thats perfectly fine. If the opposite holds true, than no harm done, because just opening up about how difficult this has all been to each-other would make me feel like I'm not crazy anymore. You know, I started watching The Office and it makes me ache that a girl like Pam just seems to have the right answer for everything when things get tough, just the chemistry I feel makes me forget it's a comedy of all things. But anyways, before I bore you with more tales in streaming, I'm out here waiting for you, not a day goes by I wish all of this was different or over by now, but I want you to know that if you're reading this, even if it means it doesn't reach you today, tomorrow or a few months from now, I want to learn what makes you tick, how you handled everything that came your way during this time. Tell me everything, don't leave anything out, I promise you I'll listen to every word. Because if you're still out there, listening, hoping, like I am, it means I will still see this through, I know I will.