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Today I fucked up. I made an inane decision. I wasn't ready for my midterm so I skipped it. I really hate myself for it. Before the midterm, I embarrassed myself and I sent a long email to my TA and I told him that I was depressed (which is true & documented). I'm like three weeks behind in school. I've barely read the textbook. Whenever I read the words, I can't focus. I don't have any concern or motivation. I don't do anything productive anymore. I also mentioned that I was seeing someone and I could obtain documentation from a professional.
He didn't answer the question as to whether I could reschedule the exam, but he did say that I could take the class pass/fail so there'd be leeway in my grading. However, I don't want to do that. I want to be judged and evaluated just like everyone else. I'm here to learn, not to achieve the bare minimum in a class. Also, the subject matter pertains to my career interest. Especially because we have to write a detailed research paper as well. It feels good to get an A. I want to make my momma proud. I know I can do better in school. I just wanted a second chance.
I fucked up last semester too. And I don't want a repeat.
So now I don't know what to do. Ideally, I'd like to take the exam, but I'd have to appeal to my professor. I really hate myself for what I did.
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