So I recently got a weird stick up my butt that hit my inner impenetrable wall just right to knock a big chunk out of it. In terms that make sense, it's time for this guy to stop pussyfooting around!

First and foremost, I'm looking for friends. Bros. Homies. What the fuck ever. I don't even care what kind of attack helicopter you identify as. I'm even bisexual with a strong leaning toward cute, but that comes way after. Bros before hand-held gardening equipment, man.

On to the juicy bits. Mmm, num num, juice and the bits it comes in~

Be able to laugh at yourself. I will make jokes. So will you; I'm a funny looking guy and I dun talk goodly like. I give as good as I get, but if I make you uncomfortable, fucking tell me! I'm a big boy, I can take it.

I don't talk a whole lot at first, but get me stuck on a topic I like, know a lot about, or am just passionate about, I will stumble over my words until they form some kind of coherent rant. Get your plastic poncho and umbrella because here comes the word vomit and you're in the splash zone!

A big part of what I'm doing with this hunk of meat and calcium I call a body is strapping a slab of wood with metal strings on the front to it, plugging that giant piece of furniture into things that blink, and blowing out my own eardrums. I tend to do this specific thing with another singular person armed with wooden sticks and fat wooden tubes with plastic skins on the top. No, I'm not just trying to fill out some imaginary word minimum shut up.

I also work. Woo. It puts bigger numbers in my bank account and gives me an answer to 'do you even lift, bro?'. That answer is yes. Eight hours a day.

Do I work out? Occasionally I do a plank or two. Maybe a push up if I'm feeling saucy. Sometimes a squat because I like having a sweet ass. I'm still chubby, but it's cool. I know I have at least one ab under there, and I can, and will, pick you up if I think I can. And I hug. Let me hug you!

So... yeah! Let's do a thing! Let's be ironic memelords at each other! Let's be awful at video games that no one plays because we're hipster assholes who don't like anything popular!

One thing, though.

I do have a fairly close group of buddies who live anywhere from San Diego to Indiana, all of whom I've met in a fairly niche part of the interwebbertubes, and then at this past Anime Expo, which we'll be doing again next year. If you can't hang with them, all I can say is you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

I'm done now. kBYE