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I can’t stop the cycle.
I see myself in the mirror and feel genuine revulsion, but it doesn’t stop me eating endlessly in response to stress or sadness.
I am acutely aware of how boring I am, how I have no hobbies and do nothing and how that makes me impossible to connect with and talk to. I do nothing and the isolation feeds itself.
I am constantly being crushed by lovelessness, the knowledge that I can’t be and don’t deserve to be loved by anyone who has a modicum of self respect.
I am constantly on the verge of tears, constantly torn between the desire to bury my fingers in my skin and tear myself apart, and to just collapse in an exhausted heap and never move or think or talk again.
I know I’m a dime a dozen. I’m unremarkable like the millions of ruined lonely lost people who feel exactly the same way, and just like them I’m invisible and irrelevant.
How do they go on. How do you stop the self loathing from destroying you.
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