Dating in your 30s is like going to the gym after a long break. At first, you think, “I’ve got this. It’s just like it was before.” Then, two minutes in, you're wheezing, confused, and wondering how you got yourself into this mess. The only difference is that the gym gives you free water; dating in your 30s comes with emotional baggage that neither party wants to claim. But let’s break it down: what’s dating in your 30s really like?

1. Your Checklist Has Mutated

In your 20s, the dating checklist was simple:

Likes pizza? ✅

Has a Netflix account? ✅

Done, let’s date." Now, at 30, your checklist reads like a government form:

Good job? But not the “I’m so busy working 90 hours a week” type. More like the “I can still take vacations and not have a breakdown” kind.

Emotionally stable? Wait, does this one actually exist, or are we all just pretending at this point?

No ex lurking in the shadows? A low bar, yet here we are.

Has a retirement AND a demat account? Because mutual fund talk is the new love language.

2. You’re Competing with Literal Babies

Here’s the thing: in your 20s, dating apps were like an all-you-can-eat buffet, and everyone was feasting. By the time you hit 30, however, you find that the buffet has been picked over, and the only thing left is the lukewarm khichdi nobody wants. Meanwhile, your inbox is full of people fresh out of college who think 30 is “basically ancient.” You’re fighting off DMs from 22-year-olds who use “hmu” as a term of endearment and think Instagram Reels is a personality.

3. The Baggage Claim Game

By now, everyone has a past, and trying to unpack it feels like playing detective with no clues. On a first date, you're not just asking about interests—you’re performing a full forensic analysis:

“So, when was your last serious relationship?” Translation: “How likely is your ex to show up at my flat with a bat?”

“Do you want kids?” Translation: “I’m too tired for games; do you at least know what you want?”

“What’s your favorite movie?” Translation: “Are you secretly a sociopath, and how many times have you watched Magic Mike XXL?”

4. Weekend Plans Now Include ... Naps

Gone are the days when dating meant staying out until 3 AM. In your 30s, dating means making plans that respect your bedtime. If you schedule a date for 8 PM, there’s a solid chance both of you are mentally calculating when you can politely leave and still be in bed by 10. Because let’s face it: nothing kills the mood like yawning mid-conversation.

And then there’s the joy of aligning weekend schedules. “Let’s hang out Saturday night!” “Sure, but I’ve got yoga at 8 AM, brunch at 10, errands until 4, and I promised my friend I’d help her ...” Now you’re dating by Google Calendar invite, and your love life hinges on a gap between laundry and blinkit shopping.

5. The “Should We Split This?” Dilemma

Remember when splitting the bill was a non-issue? Well, welcome to your 30s, where financial independence is expected, but no one really knows who’s supposed to pay for what anymore. You stare at the check, trying to decide if offering to split will make you look fair or frugal. But deep down, you’re just hoping you don’t accidentally end up paying for the 1000 bucks for dinner for two you didn’t even want.

Also, let’s not pretend dating in your 30s is cheap. Between the Uber rides, the lattes that cost more than your monthly Netflix subscription, and the dinner for two (because apparently, we’re still doing that), you’re basically bleeding money for the possibility of awkward small talk.

6. The Ghosting Game Becomes a Horror Film

In your 20s, ghosting was annoying. In your 30s, it’s rude. You’ve got life plans now, okay? You don’t have time for disappearing acts. If someone ghosts you after two weeks of great conversation, you’re left staring at your phone like, “Did I imagine the connection? Did I text about my favorite AI model soon?” It’s like you’re living in a real-life Scooby-Doo episode, trying to unmask the person who vanished without a trace.

7. The “I’m Set in My Ways” Problem

The older you get, the more you realize you’ve developed very specific habits. You’ve already figured out the right side of the bed, the best way to organize your kitchen, and the exact amount of social interaction you can tolerate before retreating into Netflix hibernation. Now you’re expected to merge lives with someone who—get this—puts milk in the bowl before Chocos. It’s basically a dealbreaker.

Trying to introduce someone into your perfectly fine-tuned life is like inviting a hurricane into a Jenga game. “Oh, when you pee, do you lift toilet seat ... ... ... I’m going to have to file this under irreconcilable differences.”

Conclusion: It’s Not All Bad, Though ...

For all its frustrations, dating in your 30s does come with its perks. You’re more self-aware, so you know what you want (or, at least, what you don’t want). You’re not in a rush, because you’ve realized that finding the right person is better than just finding a person. Plus, there’s less drama. You’re both here because you want a meaningful connection, not because you’re trying to “find yourself” by dating seven people at once.

And if all else fails, there’s always pizza, sweatpants, and reruns of The Office (or Friends, if Chandler Bing is your comic thing). Let’s be real—that’s the kind of relationship we can all commit to.

Correction: I'm 34. Can't unchange title, much like one can't put toothpaste back inside the toothpaste tube!