It's with much pride that I bring you the long-awaited third part of the canid dating saga in which I search for a long-term monogamous girlfriend who sees me as a real human with real feelings except in the bedroom where I can be a dog (or maybe a golden jackal or something). Could this be the final part? Unlikely.

Let me first take the opportunity to clear some things up.

Since publishing parts 1 and 2, I have had messages from sceptical women expressing doubt that I could possibly emulate the true feeling of a real Alsatian; that, at best, I could only hope to act as a painful reminder of how much better you had it with, idk, Rossy, before he was taken away by an animal welfare team.

Do you think this is a game to me? I take kink more seriously than anything - be it finances, family, personal hygiene, whatever. In my life I am confident in few things, but one thing I am certain of is this: you wouldn't be able to tell my bark apart from a real dog if you heard them back to back without video. In many ways, I am better than a real dog. Seriously. Pull a real dog's lead, and you will be cancelled for eternity; pull mine, and you will be praised by society for 'putting that sick fuck in his place'. There is quite literally no downside.

My ideal match is a female switch of either the human or non-human persuasion (either is ok honestly just be yourself). In the bedroom I have excellent taste; I enjoy most things besides vanilla sex, which disgusts me. Revealing everything in detail now deprives me of doing so in your exclusive company with no one to disturb us but my squeaky bone toy. As for SFW qualities, open-mindedness is a must; one of my friends dyes her hair so you mustn't be too judgemental.

Kink isn't just sexual to me, I also like to be a dog for sometimes no reason really just for the thrill of it. So if I am crawling in circles around you panting please don't presume that I will be open to you taking off your clothes or pegging me or anything rash I might just wanna watch a show.

I've been asked if I will dog 24/7 and no, this is a hard limit for me. Sorry but I just think it's a bit weird for me to spend my whole life as a dog, I'm not even sure how that would work, like realistically? (Also please do not call me a 'good boy' or whatever in your opening message, it's extremely off-putting and creepy. You can ask about my dog persona but please do so in a manner that is respectful and mindful of boundaries.)

This includes the bedroom as well - if I was growling all the time while I'm inside you, we'd both get tired of it. Variety is the spice of life. I can also do a wolf or a skunk, and occasionally I will endeavour to embody a late 20s human male, though in this form I am least comfortable/accurate.

Thank you, and woof.

P.S. Please look forward to part 4 in which will be enclosed a quiz on everything covered thus far, on which you must meet an undisclosed threshold of correct answers in order to receive a reply. This will include advanced questions on understanding of subtext.