I'm 50 years old (ugh, how did that happen?), I live in Alexandria, VA, I'm very well educated, a published author many times over and I'm looking for a local friend with benefits. I'm 5'9" and 190 lbs. I have a muscular build with a fat layer over it, but that's coming off. Really, I'm not just saying that, I'm working out, eating right and it's coming off. I'm happy to send photos (though I'd like to see photos in return). Although something casual would be ideal right now, if it develops into more later, I wouldn’t be averse to an actual relationship.

An important note: I go to bed at 7:45 PM and get up at 3:30 AM every day, even on weekends. My circadian rhythms are off and this is the only way I can get a good night’s sleep. I am not flexible when it comes to my hours because, after spending decades as an insomniac, finally being able to sleep is more important to me than a normal social life.

Unrelated to the above, I turn off my computer and my phone at 6 PM every night. I’m hardly a Luddite; I value peace and quiet, and the less time away from all of that electronic chatter and distraction, the better. In case you’re wondering what I do at night, I read.

Okay, if you are still reading, here’s some more stuff about me in no particular order: I have strange and morbid tastes; I'm an INTJ; I'm a vegetarian and a meditator; I put myself through graduate school and part of law school as a stripper; I’ve been clean and sober for over 19 years; and the thought of living an ordinary or average life makes me shudder.

Small talk is emotionally draining for me, and bite-sized texting back-and-forth really frustrates me. I can’t effectively or enjoyably communicate without complete sentences which actually mean something. This part, I guess, should have gone in the first paragraph.

Lastly, I am the Emperor of the Kingdom of Alexandria (and protector of Mexico). At museums, I am allowed to touch the art. I took the midnight train going anywhere. The last woman to whom I made love stopped right in the middle to give me a standing ovation. In sum, I am the greatest human, humanoid, bioelectronic entity, funky dude, and disco dancer of all time.