hey there reddit

I'm K, freshly 30, freshly injured and freshly attempting to be unphased. Think as if giving an interstate car crash a long, slow blink. The camera moves on, refocuses. There is a new horizon, glowing soft and pale in this distance.

I've recently unsubscribed from the Douchebag Boyfriend experience. While I found the love-bombing followed by man-toddler tantrums that would consume my entire weekend incredibly enjoyable, I soon found myself getting distracted and fantasizing about playing tennis. I liked the idea of a coordinated outfit, time in the sun, relishing in the feel of my ponytail swish as I rocket a neon ball across the courtyard. And that, reader, would have required my afternoons to be unencumbered.

In light of this, I am seeking a man to take control in certain aspects of my pursuit of pleasure that is to say, life, and release control in other aspects of my life. Particularly in the event we find ourselves at some hole in the wall bar off a back country highway. I'd like to demolish their touch-tunes and play a round of pool in my very tightest jeans and imbibe in cheap, cold beer. That is to say, I wish to be guided, but indulged.

After having spent a lifetime of having no sense of self, my goal for the next 5 years is to really develop that idea for me. So finding a person who is consistent, intentional and relateable is deeply important to me. So, I'm not looking for anyone very much older than me, and I'd like us to have common interests. I like hiking, exploring mountain towns in my old Toyota, and cult films. I also really like to read, go to museums, watch planes, and enjoy a regular bowl of midnight cereal.

I don't know, maybe I am a masochist. I'd like to think after a year I wouldn't still be checking the socials of my ex, and periodically checking for missed messages. It could be that I am a romantic, and this longing in me is misdirected, and only need someone to cultivate it. More likely I am a coward, afraid of having a good thing to ruin, and pursuing things that will only end badly for me, because those kinds of endings are comfortable and familiar. Maybe I just like getting naked on the internet. So, I'd like to hand the keys over while I figure out my gears.

Shoot me a line if you think you're the right driver.

Thanks for reading.