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It's true, and I will not be elaborating further. You're going to have to leave it up to your imagination. But don't let your imagination extend so far as to believe that I munch on dog or cat food in dark garages at 2 AM... because that's better suited to 3 AM.
When I'm not putting up a threat display when caught in the light, I'm probably out and about walking with my dog. My legs are my favorite mode of transportation. It's even better to walk the worse the weather is. I'll be out in a downpour. Anything to escape people mistaking me for someone else (Why does everyone think I work at a jail? Who works at a jail and looks like me?) and my dog for another dog (Who is Molly?).
It's probably sacrilegious here to say that I'm not into any nerd things like video games, TV shows/anime, or any of the classic man hobbies. Sorry, guys. Best I can do is that I watch movies (I even have a Letterboxd account myself), occasionally read whatever random books I pick up, and have rotted my brain a little too much with TikTok.
What am I looking for?
Oh, that's not very fair to make a list or anything. I'm looking for friends, and I just happen to be single. If you approach me looking explicitly for a relationship, that ain't gonna work out, buddy.
Potential Friendship Deal Breakers (Please pull up a Vine boom sound effect and let it rip after each):
- I'm allergic to cats and don't really like them.
- I don't ever shut up with my close friends.
- Prone to oversharing
- Has a Shrek nose
- Talks way too much about my dog
- Extensive lore and trauma
- Questionable music taste
- Certified coffee hater
- Makes obscure Spongebob references sometimes
If you've read this far without being scared off, then in your chat tell me what kind of animal best describes your vibe.
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