Since gleefully screaming "BRAAAINS!" at the top of my lungs has the unintended consequence of causing a zombie apocalypse panic, I thought it best to restrict my quest for a sapiosexual FWB to online spaces. Will you and your beautiful luminous neurons arrive to validate my misguided optimism, or do I keep shambling around the place like a Shaun of the Dead extra?

Apart from being an incorrigible daydreamer, I am a professional linguist, amateur writer, and semi-pro introvert. The beginning of the new year (with all of its resolutions waiting to be failed within a month) finds me with plenty of friends but not nearly enough benefits, not to mention all the existential dread from where this planet seems to be heading. So I thought: why not cast the net for a clever, witty, kinky, emotionally intelligent cis woman who might just be browsing these personals and looking for something similar? After all, stranger things have happened (and promptly been renewed for four more seasons).

I'm not seeking a long-distance relationship or complicated romantic entanglement – just a curious, literate, kind, nerdy, and possibly a bit jaded lonely soul who might be partial to casual witty banter, silly puns, book discussions, exercises in post-irony, accidentally deep conversations, and consensual kinxploration (I'm a dom-leaning switch open to a variety of dynamics, and my horny account's posting history should reveal my general proclivities as well as some writing examples). Most importantly, I want to experience that special connection where the two minds operate on the same wavelength and produce colourful sparks of mutual attraction in the encroaching dark. I want to find a fellow Homo ludens and have my dumb sense of humour make someone giggle on the other side of the planet.

Some topics to break the ice and gauge our general compatibility: voracious reading (from fantasy to contemporary; Tolkien, Pratchett, Frances Hardinge, McEwan, Julian Barnes, Joseph Heller, McKillip, AS Byatt), indie rock/folk and post-rock (The Mountain Goats, Big Thief, Sharon van Etten, The National, GY!BE), binge-watching British comedy (David Mitchell for PM!), intelligent sitcoms from both sides of the pond (Always Sunny, Curb, Arrested Development), films by Christopher Nolan, Edgar Wright, and Wes Anderson, role-playing video games (Baldur's Gate, Pillars of Eternity, Neverwinter Nights), creative writing, European history, cryptography, steampunk, languages, football (of the round ball variety).

Some topics to un-break the ice: James Acaster (if you know, you know).