I'm watching this anime. And I imagine I just lost the attention of 99% of you, by design, but its sad because I'm about to go onto a poignant uh.. life lesson I learned early early on.

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These people are stranded in a world, and everyone is gunning for each others throats and resources, but together with friends and allies this guy creates a system to help restore not instant peace, but joy back into a small part of their world. And. Thats pretty much what I've been trying to do. But since everyone I meet isn't some uh.. prop to boost my main character goals and ambition over several seasons its infinitely more difficult. Even if the promise of fun and comradery is there. Even if the promise is there and you've tasted a small part of what could be. Doesn't matter.

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But despite a near endless stream of failure across years. Not months. Years. I still believe 100% in what I'm doing. The same goes for my search for. I don't want to call it romance. That's wrong. I don't want to stare into your eyes and show up on your doorstep with roses and other meaningless platitudes. I want to find one person. Just one. And get to know. Talk to about. whatever. I've been telling someone I met. I'm not a hopeless romantic. I mean. Talk about not listening to what you're saying. HOPELESS? that's not a good word. In any situation. APply it to any situation right now in your head. " my health is HOPELESS". " studying this is HOPELESS"

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DOesn't sound good, huh? I mean. Unless you're some kind of freak. And not the fun kind. I practice something I call " hopeful romance". It's where I live a life I can be proud of making effort to find people when I can. Improving myself in areas I lack. Making an effort every day to be a better version of myself so when I do go out and look or go online mostly online, I won't find who I'm looking for wandering into a bar after all. Because I don't want to simply find. A person that likes me. That's easy. That's so easy, I'm very likeable. Do you like strong people that lift others up? Stand up for themselves and others? Smell nice? Uh.. I've been called cute, but I think y'all are fucking lying to me. So I tend to ignore that one. Yes. I think your answer is yes. You like that person I just described, then yeah, uh, not very helpful for me. For you, sure. Me. No. Because one part of the equation that never gets addressed properly. Is. Do I like you? Some approach as if the mere fact you're a woman is enough and it's INSANE. I can't even grasp the grasping of the grasped.

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What I desire above all else is. Understanding. And growth and the last bit. Super fucking important. The capacity to compromise. I didn't ever really focus on that bit, because unfortunately I would usually be surrounded by people that never compromise even on the smallest most insignificant of daily things. Let alone big things so I'd usually take the L on the chin because I mean. Some things you can't back down from, and some you should, but that's the problem. Some people see everything as something to not compromise on. Wild. WIld Wild wild.

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Oh. I get unfairly accused of having high standards. Bro. Mine are like. Baseline shit bro.

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DO YOU BATHE? NO? GO.

Are you nice to people? TO YOURSELF? To me ._. Yes? OK STAY.

Are you a bigot? Racist? Phobe? go. Go into a ditch. Live there. with your kind. Filth.

Do you seek your own growth? PRofessionally, if you're some kind of pantsuit wearing goddess or whatever, or not? But I'm more concerned with personal growth than anything. Are you learning new skills. Challenging yourself? Holding yourself accountable?

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Is that high? I mean. I do this shit, So like. That's that make me amazing? I mean. I know I am. But does it?

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I think people appropriated standards to mean " are you hot or not"

For me. As always. It's been about the quality of the character I'm speaking to. Uh. Physical attractiveness accounts for like. 20% of my interest. If that. So I always found it funny when women that match my physical preference messaged me and think that just showing up was enough.

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I feel like this doesn't need to be said, but I've been online long enough to know all the quiet things, just fucking say them, people will and do misunderstand, misappropriate. They will do anything in their power to misunderstand for whatever reason or rhyme. So you can't give them the ammunition. Or do. And write them off.

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Anyway this has gotten wildly inappropriately long. But to be fair I'm procrastinating like... several things. Not important things mind you. Just. I'm losing in this fucking tournament by a lot and the level of resources needed to come out on top isn't really worth the return.

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I mentioned games. FUck. Every time I do that. Or mention anything even remotely typical redditor like it invalidates every single other thing I've said. It's truly hilarious, let me see if that's the case today as well.

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