Clickbait title aside, now you know I’ve worked in marketing. Couldn't resist!

Here are some SFW pictures as an apology.

I was going to start this post with a dad joke, but my friends said I'm not allowed to because I'm not a dad. I'm just a *faux pa*.

Nailed it! <self high-five>

Disinterested already? Fine. Judge away while you read this silly post while sitting on the toilet or hiding under blankets talking shit about me to your house plant Gary, who - you must admit - is not as vibrant as he once was. But no, I’m the lame one…riiight.

Alright, alright. No more dad jokes. Pinky promise. <Narrator: He was lying>

# Intrigued? Go on! Do you...

Laugh at inappropriate times?

Enjoy home cooked meals?

Love it when a guy not only notices but compliments your hair?

If you answered YES to any of 3 of those, READ ON!

# BASICS

*34. Single. Straight. Denver, CO, USA.*

**Who am I?** In short, as the title says, I’m a passionate do-gooder, creative intellectual, musically inclined, straight man who takes care of his physical and mental health. I’m social, nerdy and goofy.

I host a D&D podcast and love gaming (from board to tabletop to video). I listen to blues, metal, rock and all sorts of movie soundtracks. I love sci-fi/fantasy and action/adventure movies/books, cooking, stand-up comedy, cycling and lifting. I’ve got huge aspirations in life and am fairly open-minded. I believe personal growth is crucial as humans.

**Looking for**: I’m not looking to “start a family" (I'm child-free), but I am seeking long-term and monogamous. I want to build a relationship that’s healthy for both of us (see below). Bonus points if you do squats or cycle.

I'm looking to build a relationship that is a safe, encouraging, and supportive place where we can be our authentic selves. To me, a relationship is fun and healthy/responsible. We're equals but willing to support one another when one's emotionally drained. It's affectionate, kind, and quality time spent together.
To me, it's playful, flirty, sweet and accepting. It's not something that's rushed and red hot all of the time (although passion and chemistry are important); rather, it's something built on similar beliefs, lifestyles, and goals.
The kind of relationship I'm seeking is built on a healthy lifestyle (physically and emotionally), monogamous, and retains some level of adventure and world exploration together.

**Beliefs**: Be kind. Eat the rich. Help others. Save the planet. I was raised among the "Harry Potter book burning" conservative type, but I'd like to say I've evolved into a humanist.

**Career**: I’m absolutely crushing it at work. I work remotely for a web developer and am the head of my own program. I'm working to earn enough passive income that I can retire early.

# My 7 Amazing Qualities

* ***Creative***. Podcaster (website), poet and fiction writer who was first published at age 12. I was once an internationally ranked top-10 competitive singer/chorusmember (watch here)

* ***Nurturing***. Two awesome cats live with me, all of my exes are still alive, and I built a hydroponic garden tower (update: I still do not have a green thumb).

* ***Funny?*** My jokes are like chocolate ice cream: rich, dark, and better when you're depressed. I’m a quick-witted conversationalist and laugh easily. My sense of humor is wide. I’ve performed stand-up comedy several times.

* ***Healthy***. Regular exercise and eating well is important to me. I don’t drink much and don’t want to be with someone who drinks at every occasion. I also go to therapy and read self-help books to get past some childhood issues. Fun times. Also, I'm financially healthy and would like that in a partner.

* ***Adventurous***. I’ve performed in front of 8,000 people in Nashville, traveled to several countries, and risked exposing this garbage here on Reddit.

* ***Compassionate***. I want to help everybody and save the world. You know, like an idiot. (I said that in my John Mulaney voice.)

* ***Leader***. I can decide on a restaurant when we’re stuck. (I know all of the good places!) I host fairly frequent Facebook and MeetUp events probably because I was an RA in college. I’m also seeking change state law to better protect tenants’ rights.

# IDEAL PARTNER

**You are:** Ideally near Denver, but there are wonderful, beautiful people all over the world. I'm open to the right connection anywhere (but not strictly online). I’m seeking an active, health-conscious liberal with a heart of gold and quick wit. A goofball with a kind heart and life goals. I’d prefer if you were my age or younger, single, and educated.

**Bonus points:** freckles, foreign accents, lighthearted personality, long hair, and “I don’t skip leg day” kind of booty.

Personal References:

"You'll be alone forever if you post this."

~Roommate

"What's Reddit?"

~Dad

"Science rules."

~ Bill Nye

In the end, I just want to be happy. Without ending up living in a cottage with 6 other dwarves, working in a mine, and hearing others whistle all day.

If you think I'm moderately entertaining or attractive, shoot me a message with a recent selfie. I'd like to know a bit about you, what you're passionate about, what you found interesting on my profile. Full disclosure: I’m looking to meet in-person and not keep this online forever.