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Hi! I'm a walking contradiction being held together by sass and duct tape. I'm searching for someone with the tolerance to put up with my bullshit long enough for me to get them naked woo them with my charm and charisma. I am simultaneously clingy, needy, and everything you never knew you needed. I also have crippling confidence and abandonment issues so I'm mainly here out of a stubborn defiance of my loneliness. Please love me...
If you're looking for someone to squeeze your butt and split a whole pizza with, who settles arguments with pillow fights and orgasm denial that showers you in compliments, you have come to the right trainwreck. Tickets are available through the end of the weekend, and just like Ticketmaster, I will bend you over and stick something in your ass, make you regret everything and provide you the time of your life like 6 months later. Or I'll just get drunk and forget all of the words. Remember the bit about taking risks? Your move, sweetheart~
Bonus points if you're younger than I am, kinky, have a great ass and potty mouth, have a name that starts with a J, M, B or S, and/or go for guys that are totally out of their league but try really hard anyway. Absolutely no reason for the last part, trust me.
*The food or the kink, either or. Or both. At the same time...? Am I hungry or just horny? Let me know your opinion in my DMs!
**Maybe also don't be bigoted, thanks.
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- 1 year ago
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