Do you know that feeling inside? Where you feel so bored of the normal. Where the idea of being devoted to a life of normalcy seems dreadful? That's how I feel when I think about a normal romantic connection. One where each party is always putting their best face first. Where the idea of being truly vulnerable seems unimaginable and unimaginative.

I hate feeling like I can't be at my best and worst with someone. We are humans. It's okay to be "tainted" in some way. It's okay to allow yourself to be irrational and unhinged. This can be done responsibly. In front of someone else. Someone who actually wants such transparency.

I've never felt better than when I've been reassured that my dramatics (while real), may be seen as "too much" to one person, were actually fine. Were okay. It's a wonderful experience to know that you can show parts of yourself. That you don't have to hide things about you that may seem ugly or crazy or too intense. That it's simply okay to experience all the feelings that we as humans are capable of.

Within the limits you set with another person, being free cannot be compared to anything else. To share yourself wholly with another person feels like having someone who knows you as well as you know yourself. To push past your own barriers sometimes means the other person knows you better than you know yourself. Sometimes it takes someone else caring for us more for us to care about ourselves enough. Maybe that's messed up. Human beings have achieved alot, surely we don't need someone to help us help ourselves. That's very true. Still, it's nice.

That's what I want. I just want to make a true and genuine connection with someone who isn't weak. Or scared. At the very least, someone who doesn't let the fact that they are weak or scared stop them from pushing through to really fulfill a connection.

Maybe you've always felt you had to hold back your thoughts, what you wanted to say, what you wanted to do. Maybe you thought you always had to wear a mask. Or were of the mindset that who you are in public has to be who you are in private. I enjoy dichotomy. It's a beautiful thing. To know that you know someone better than anyone else. To know that no one would even believe that your partner has any "quirks". I love engaging with people who have one singular screw loose. Functional. Yet capable of being unhinged within a controlled environment where losing control is not only allowed, but encouraged. I want the same. To be with someone who doesn't need to "allow" me to let go, rather it's the expectation we both hold. Not easily swayed from this goal no matter how intense it can become.

This was a little odd post, I know. Hahahah. But if you understand this in any way, please reach out :). Only if you're unattached of course. No younger men please :).