Day 18 of my taper. 9gpd down from 20-25 gpd. Started my taper at 15gpd.

I found out a good friend of mine passed away today. In the past 2-3 months I've - lost my cat who I had for 12 years. She was so special to me - had to be full time caregiver for my mom. She's been in and out of the hospital, too - had my car and only means of transportation break down. Still waiting to have it looked at. - found out my friend passed away.

I feel like my life and everything I care about is slowly crumbling around me. I feel lost and alone. I spent all afternoon in bed sleeping after I found out. I haven't broken my taper, but I'm starting to wonder why I'm even doing this. My life is going downhill with or without kratom. I'm so numb, and I desperately want to do something self-destructive. I just can't see a future where I'll ever be happy.