I’m just so tired of using this stuff day in and day out several times every single day. Always ordering more, getting “sad” when I run out of the “good” kind i ordered.

I need to just fuckin bite the bullet and handle it.

I recently got back on my Ativan and Lexapro, so maybe those will be able to help me get through it. I’ve done it before and it was so easy, my mind was just made up. Now I try and it’s like seemingly impossible. That doesn’t make any sense tho.

All I have to do, IS NOT DO IT. boom. problem solved. I’ve come off decades of use of heroin and oxys, meth, heavy benzo use, I think i can do kratom. Well I know I can, I did it earlier this year and made it a couple months, and then did some pretty controlled usage, not everyday and only once on days I did use it.

Now all Im doing is chasing the way it worked after a two month break, because honestly it was awesome. But now its a bleak affair.

I WANT THIS OUT OF MY LIFE.