Because of work, and also a very large aversion to pain, I'm really not looking to CT. So my other option is to taper. This isn't my first rodeo with kratom. I've quit before. But It wasn't until I checked myself into a detox that I did quit successfully. They gave me medications which tremendously helped my WD (Gabapentin, A small dose of subutext, some non addictive benzo, and trazadone for sleep). But now I'm back on the Kratom train. 30 GPD for about half a year now. Detox is still an option, although not the best option as I don't have the funds to go to detox, nor do I want to confess to my parents that I'm back on Kratom. I'm not sure how they will take it. I live with them and am on their insurance so if I do go, they'll know about it.

That leaves me with tapering. With tapering the physical WDs are no issue if you do it right. The hardest part though, at least for me, is the depression that comes with not having a crutch to lean on. Kratom doesn't do anything for me anymore, if anything it gives me a small buzz for a little bit. But as of now the cons outweigh the pros. Yet I still can't stop because in the back of my mind I know it has helped in the past, and sometimes I do get surprised with a nice little high, and the fact that I COULD take it always leads to contemplation which always leads to impulsively buying another bag, telling myself I'll start my taper tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Even though the Kratom doesn't help my depressed mood anymore persay, when I get in that depressed mood, I'm so averted to pain that my brain will automatically reach for the Kratom no matter what.

I've always had trouble with motivation. I've done so much therapy. I have so much insight into how my mind works its exhausting. I know what triggers me. I know why I use. Yet I can't get myself to act on my personal insights and just do what I know is for the best. I want to quit so badly, yet I can't even taper for a day without impulsively upping to a full dose.

My question is, how do you guys take the plunge and do it? Especially people who are tapering, those who need to make that good decision everyday. Do you have any tips? Maybe this isn't something you fellow redditiors could help with. It's probably ultimately up to me to just suck it up and do it. Maybe there is no more advice to be given. But I figured it would be worth a shot.

My defeatist attitude tells me everyday I try to quit, that I can't. That I've always been a procrastinator and I as a person can't taper. Maybe it's merely my attitude holding me back. But how do I change this attitude? I'm interested to hear your guys' insights. Maybe detox will be the only option in the end, although I would hate for it to come to that

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Thanks!

-David