Day 9 today. Feeling great! I might not be feeling so great if I weren't so ready to quit using this shit. I'm no longer going through any major WDs except for cold sweats in the middle of the night and I'm still spending an uncomfortable amount of time in the bathroom... But compared to how shitty I was feeling EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. on this shit, it's really not comparable.

I'm just so grateful to have quit 9 days ago when I did. I keep wondering why I waited 4 fucking years to stop... But then I have to remind myself that the math just wasn't mathing at the time, and it wasn't worth it for whatever reasons I told myself. It's okay! I'm done now! No going back EVER.

I really dodged a bullet with the WD symptoms. I think the worst or most painful symptom was the leg/joint cramping. That went away after about 4 days, I'd say. Pretty similarly to my recent post on day 6... It's still the occasional mental anguish that is probably the hardest to sit with. So, I'm trying to keep as busy as I can, while also knowing that I can't stay busy ALL the time, and at some point, I do need to just sit with this and remain a bit uncomfortable sometimes. It sucks, but I'll power through, just as I have with my former dependencies. A ton of this is really just learning a hard lesson and realizing over and over and over again that I can't keep chasing highs that are feasibly impossible to catch. The hard work of recovery isn't really the big, crazy stuff. It's the silent shadow work in your head, and making it a point over and over again to stick with this commitment!!

If you're trying to quit... I see you. I love you. Hang in!!! 🖤✌🏼