This has been a resurfacing problem for almost 3 years now.
For a bit of background context in case I'm not Aro/Ace at all, I'm genderfluid and have been fluctuating on being lithromantic, graysexual, or just generally Aro/Ace all in all. I've had a few relationships but I never really liked that even if I'd been crushing on the person for a LONG, long time. I've also had some sexual encounters where I would be really interested on doing the deed but once it was said and done with, I wouldn't feel anything about it. Or even during for that matter, it as just so gross to me. Yet, I still surf porn and get horned up if I feel. Yet the idea of masturbation disgust me, and trying it made it even worse because I was so grossed out by it.
I want a physical relationship, and I have so many fantasies of them but actually being put in one makes me super uncomfortable. Maybe its the idea of vulnerability or whatever but that cant be it because one of the reoccurring fantasies i have is of being vulnerable. It can't be a problem with the partner either because I've dated both men and women and I always end up regretting both.

All I'm asking is for some experience. What do you make of my situation? Should I find a label (if so, which one) or should I just stick to being unlabeled?