I don't think I'm transgender but I am only able to have sexual fantasies if I am man. I am not interested in absolutely anything sexual unless I am a man which I'm not and it sucks. People keep telling me it's internalized homophobia but it's just not, I just don't like it and can't force myself to. It doesn't do anything for me sexually and never has. I am a very sexual person and I REALLY want to have sex so this is a huge issue. I am actually quite devastated that I will never have a penis or flat chest . I have dreams of having a penis and being a man but I also like being a girl sometimes. You might read this and come to the obvious conclusion given this information that I am trans gender but I don't even know if I am for sure.

Ever since I was a child I could only imagine myself as a boy when thinking about girls. It's not because of internalized homophobia (which I have, everyone does) but that's not the issue. I know its not. Could this be because of some deeper rooted issue? Trauma? I like being feminine and being seen as a girl I guess but I don't want to be a woman and feel no connection to woman hood at all. Everything about it disgusts me.

I know not all women feel a connection to womanhood and All and maybe I'm just one of those people. But this will continue to affect my dating and sex for the rest of my life if I don't figure it out. Again I feel weird calling myself a lesbian also. Again I REALLY want to have sex like I'm horny af

So is this just a disconnection to woman hood or something else? It's not like I want to be a man because I think some man is hot I mean I envy some men's bodies but I'm not attracted to men, it's not like I want to be special at all I really would rather not be trans at all and deal with the reality of it.