Note: this is a vent, I and not looking for any pointers or lectures in this post.

We did all the research and thought we’d picked out the perfect breed, something smart, trainable, and eager to please, relatively calm but can keep up with an active lifestyle, gentle with pets and kids, and super cuddly and loving. We shelled out on good training courses, watched all the videos, and made sure to “do everything right” from the start. We’ve even seen a behaviorist, but 9 months in, I’m ashamed to admit, she has been anything but what I wanted.

She’s not affectionate. She harasses my other pets at any given chance. She’s incredibly difficult to train. She’s ceaselessly demanding, and it often feels like her drive/needs are infinite. She’s that dog who’s the “exception” during training sessions. Her stomach is super sensitive. She’s a poop eater, and a prodigious shredder of ANYTHING. She couldn’t care less about meal times, and even her favorite treats aren’t very interesting to her.

even amongst her litter mates, we ended up with the wild card. Even the breeder, who has had extensive knowledge and experience with these dogs has come back with the “huh that’s odd. Keep at it I guess” kinds of answers. She just feels paradoxical.

I work at a pet store, and even years before, I’ve worked alongside a lot of dogs and puppies both in daycares and apprenticing under mentors. I can’t help but feel so sad and jealous seeing so many puppies who are everything I was wanting, and just naturally so without much work at all. Puppies that stopped whining in the crate after the first week. Puppies that get excited about food. Puppies that can have toys for more than a few minutes. Puppies that are responsive and love to learn. Puppies that are just… sweet.

I know everybody’s journeys are different and you can’t compare, but I can’t help but feel sad and disappointed, even if I know she is who she is, and that’s not her fault.