Ah, public health workers—the unsung heroes of underfunded chaos. You’d think they’d be out there changing the world, but instead, they’re stuck in endless meetings about handwashing posters and debating which shade of beige will best get people to stop smoking. They love to tell everyone how much they’re “making a difference,” yet half of them couldn’t convince a toddler to eat a vegetable, let alone get the public to follow their convoluted guidelines.

Let’s be real, they’ve got more PowerPoint slides than practical solutions. Their big idea for fighting pandemics? A newsletter no one reads and a pamphlet that’ll end up in the recycling bin faster than their next underwhelming initiative. They can’t even get people to wear masks or quit sugar, yet they somehow think they’re on the front lines of saving humanity.

And don’t get me started on how half of them spend more time navigating bureaucracy than actually doing anything useful. They act like martyrs for public health, yet most of their day is spent dodging responsibility while pretending their policies will magically work if only people "understood." Meanwhile, the real problems are spiraling out of control, but hey, at least they've got a color-coded chart for it!