TW: child sexual abuse

I have PTSD, depression, anxiety and Psychosis. I’ve been feeling really down and suicidal since I didn’t respond to a new and promising drug trial 2 months ago. Fast forward to yesterday. I’ve always had the feeling that my dad didn’t believe in the months-long child sex abuse I suffered. So yesterday I asked my mom what his reaction was when she told him and his words were “it was only their fingers.”

I don’t even know what to say to that. I just get so angry. He also didn’t care when I was hospitalized for suicide attempts last year.

But hearing this has brought back all kinds of flashbacks. Since yesterday the abuse has been on the front of my mind and nothing else.

I don’t know how to deal with my father, or how to cope with these flashbacks. I don’t know how to make these suicidal thoughts go away. They’re getting stronger, and since hearing my dad’s reaction I just really want to do it. My therapist doesn’t work on Thursdays or Fridays so I can’t get ahold of her.

So does anyone have any advice or coping strategies?