(i want to clarify, none of the abuse i went through broke anything or left a lot of damage.) TLDR:I suppress my traumatic memories and i want to stop bonding with my abuser.

I, (15yo trans female) was hit a lot as a child by my father, who was very strict about household maintenence. I have 5 older half siblings, 2 of whom have gone low or no contact with my father, and the others seemingly have a good relationship w my father. (i remember one christmas the 3 brothers that do have a good relationship were hanging out, and one starting crying and venting about how horrible they were raised, even thought they had a mother who had them half the time.) The only sibiling who is upfront about their experience and helped me was my sister, who started a dcf case for emergency custody after my father beat me pretty badly when i was 12. it was called off for lack of evidence. My parents and i have been working a lot through our relationship, and i am no longer hit anymore, but there hasnt been any sort of owning up to actions that i feel i deserve. I was diagnosed with ptsd recently after i had a stint of having nightmares about getting hit by my parents, but i stopped seeing that therapist after a while (it was at a residential hospital). My main problem now is that i can't remember anything about my childhood, except for flashbacks that happen sometimes, but i usually end up forgetting again. I guess im js overwhelmed with a lot of things (being trans and moving to florida) and i dont know how to stop getting emotionally close to my father. I cant help it, but everytime i did in the past it ended badly, but i keep cutting out how bad it was. Im still not sure if what i went through was really traumatic because i know a lot of people who went through worse and are fine, my father included.