I have had many thoughts of killing my ex. He betrayed me. He became someone I didn’t know when I’d known him off and on since we were 17. He emotionally abused me, manipulated me to get his way, and started getting physical. He beat on my dog so hard that it eventually ended his life. He’d say sick shit to me when he was mad. An example is, “I’d like to beat you until you stop moving like what I did to your dog.” I hate him so much and a few times the thoughts of killing him have become so strong I’ve had plans of what I’d do to him. I sat in my car and almost drove to his house even with someone begging me to not do anything. I wish I would’ve let him jump off that bridge that winter day last year. I would’ve done the world a service. I don’t tell hardly anyone I have these strong thoughts and urges because I know it’s wrong, but fuck I want him to suffer even worse than what he did to my poor little dog. He killed him a few days after my Elton John concert that I took him to. My dog was named after the man. He’s such a sick fucking bastard. I was afraid of seeing him at any festivals (I have a restraining order) because I wasn’t sure what I’d be capable of if I saw him. I don’t know if I’d let myself think I’d probably just act. What do I do to stop feeling this way? I want it to stop because I know it’s incredibly unhealthy. Please help. I can’t afford therapy even with insurance so I’m just trying my best.